Never A Right Time To Say Goodbye

Hey beautiful people… Okay so I feel I owe you all an explanation as to why I’ve been MIA especially as I promised to never leave you again… Well I didn’t really leave but I’m sorry I allowed you to think I did. Basically, what happened was… I moved. No not house, or school or church. I moved blogs… :s Goodness this is harder than I thought. I’ve been staring at it forever now wondering how on earth to post it! It’s a really big moment for me on this side of the screen…

Okay to cut this potentially very lengthy story short I started a new blog. It’s something I’ve been thinking of for a while. I toyed with the idea numerous times in my mind, slept on it, chewed it over everything but I finally made the big decision! I decided to start a whole new blog because I feel that two things have happened. 1. I’m slowly outgrowing my baby! (This blog) 2. I like to feel organised and putting personal things on here just really didn’t sit well with me. So one weekend I made the decision and started up this new blog I speak of; this blog is a lot more personal (pictures and everything) and is basically about my journey to a healthier me with lots more random things thrown in the mix.

Through Hell and High Waters is NOT going to be discontinued though! It’s just going to get a lot more focused. So basically it would have all my short stories, poetry and series (Of which there is a new one in the pipelines, whoop!). As well as my more religious posts. I apologise to all my readers for this sudden change of direction but like I said, you can still find me floating about in the blogosphere!

I guess this is a good time to introduce you to my new blog… Lilac Tinted Views I wouldn’t say much else about it in the hope that you’re curios enough to click the link and check it out! Hehe. Okay and if you’re really not that curious well.. Still click the LINK! You might like it more than this one! There are a few posts up for you to feast your eyes on so far!

I hope you like it, it likes you already! Lol.

Love,

I Told You She’s A Heeeeeeeaux

My first exam is in a few days time but I’m bored! Like soooooo bored! I know that there’s always more that I can be doing to make sure I get that distinction but I mean… I’m BORED!! So as is usual, when I get bored; I pick up my phone and talk to random people for a bit while trying to re-motivate myself to study!

As the inspiration from these posts usually comes, I was having an interesting discussion with my friend about hoes. Well it probably had something to do with someone we had seen doing something that was less than savoury but I shan’t dish that juicy secret! Hehe, I kid. The basis of the story is this, there was once a girl who liked a guy, the guy didn’t like her enough to make it serious, they eventually break off their “thing” that they were having and the girl is sort f heartbroken. You know the usual “F**k guys, I hate them, they are always after one thing, I don’t want anything serious anymore, if he could do it why can’t I?” Heard that before? Yeah, so have we all. Just that this one particular girl actually did it! Well she tried to anyways. She started off with just making out with random guys on a drunken night out and escalated all the way to banging her ex’s friends. Obviously, when you sleep with all the guys in a circle of friends I mean.. Youse a hoe! And even if you aren’t, you’re going to be called one! Nobody cares if the nigga broke your heart!

The problem with this definition of a whore is that there are people (females) who like to sleep around just as much as the average guy, she has perfect no-strings-attached sex and she loves it. If she sleeps with all the guys in the circle it’s not about revenge, it’s because she wants to. I mean does this make her a hoe? I’m not feminist or anything, but if men can sleep with however many people they want then why can’t women? Also is a hoe defined by the number of men she’s been with? Because I can think of a couple of virgin hoes! Those ones are wasting their time saving themselves for marriage. The Bible/Quran or whatever other Holy Book you read might say no to premarital sex but best believe it also says a resounding NO to fornication! So just because you do “everything but” doesn’t make you some sort of saint, better knack if you want to knack. Hiss. Anyways back to the conversation, we somehow came to the conclusion that most heauxs have one or more of these issues.

1.     Daddy Issues

This girl had her daddy leave her, probably at a tender age and has been trying to “prove her worth” to men by sleeping with them. She could also have been molested as a child by someone she trusted, for some reason while I was writing this all I could think of was Meek Mill in his song “Love Don’t Live Here saying  “Shorty sixteen f**king everything moving, got raped by her step daddy [he] told her “Just do it”” Deep. My mood just plummeted, I’d type the rest in a minute. Okay I’m back, everyone take a deep breath, inhaaaaale, exhaaaaale. Say a silent prayer for all the young people struggling to stay alive.

2.     Insecurity Issues

She thinks she’s fat/ugly/weird etc. this girls’ self esteem is pretty low and the more people she sleeps with the lower it gets. During the act of physical pleasure there is a moment or two where she feels whole and beautiful but this is usually as short lived as her partners pleasure.

3.     Heartbreak

This last one has sort of been mentioned before, basically the girl that had her heart broken and is a hoe for revenge purposes. She could also be the girl that’s trying to get over the guy by “getting under someone else”

But still, apart from all these different motivations for being a hoe/whore/harlot/Jezebel whatever you like to call them, I still need to figure out what sets them apart from the other girls? I think it has to do with the mindset of the girl, but I can’t figure out exactly what goes on in the minds of these people. I need help!! What do you think is in the mindset of a heaux?

Exam Season: Distraction and Procrastination!

Wow, I cant believe it's pretty much two weeks into the new year and I haven't posted a thing! This is what happens after you have a rocking Christmas break and put exams on the back burner! I've been trying to go hard at the books because my goal is still to finish this masters degree with a distinction! (70% average) but today and yesterday haven't been the best days! I mean I hate exam season. I know we all do, but I really really hate it! Hours and hours spent reading material and learning things only for them to not come up in the exam! I know people say “No knowledge lost” but what about the time spent?  O ti so nu ni now! (It’s lost now!) It’s so unfortunate that I actually want to be an engineer, I would have dropped out of school and become a stripper, sadly I don’t have the upper body strength for their profession. So here I am, typing away while I really should be studying, who does that? Oh all of you you say? LIARS! You guys are busy hitting the books hard and I’m here, allowing the spirit of procrastination to take over my life, Lord be with me! I need to become more serious about my schoolwork, how else am I meant to get that distinction? **sigh** but seriously though, can school somehow be made more interesting? I mean there are so many other things I’d rather be doing, e.g. reading blogs, updating my blog, listening to gossip, Facebook stalking people, Instagram stalking people, twitter stalking even more people (yes, I know a lot of stalkable people), sleep, stare. I don’t know, anything but studying! Luckily for me after an average of 5-7 hours all these things lose their charm and I think, heck, might as well study… After I have dinner.

When I eventually get down to studying after eliminating the demon of procrastination, a second gargoyle rears it ugly head; distraction! I’ve finally opened up the books, I’ve even read the first few pages then all of a sudden, I read something and my mind wonders down a completely different train of thought, so I pick up the phone and text my best friend the funny thing that just popped into my mind, this leads to an hour long conversation about nothing in particular with me saying “I really should be working” every 10 minutes or so. Ha! It’s ridiculous really! But I feel better because the books are at least open, that’s step one complete. After chatting to my friend and updating her on everything she’s missed over the last hour I finally resume studying. Just that I’ve forgotten what I just read, so back to the beginning I go. Surely you guys can see how this is a vicious cycle? I mean, I get to the line that made my mind wonder the first time and my mind wonders again! Sometimes even down a completely different path, which means I have to relate this NEW information to the bestie! **sigh**

Luckily I’ve found a means of combating this cycle, I have to say it actually works! Well except today where I’m just really allowing the laziness to take over! But it works on a regular day :) Here’s what I try to do:

1.     Eat

The number of times I get up to “find a snack” while I’m trying to study is insane! So I just cut the crap and eat something! Hey! Listen! This is not the time to chow down some pounded yam or other carb heavy food that just makes you sleepy oh! Something small and relatively filling should do the trick. It also helps if you plan your snacks and put them on the table so you don’t have to get up eventually, as long as you don’t gobble them all at once like I would, hehe.

2.     Plan your study time.

I recently started this thing after a suggestion from a friend and I’ve found that it really combats the distraction. I get my watch out and place it somewhere visible, then I study in on-off fashion. So basically, I study for 60 minutes straight, then take a break for 15-20 minutes. Study again for another hour, break for another 15 minutes. Obviously this method needs some tweaking depending on what you’re studying, sometimes it’s possible to do 90 minutes straight then 15 minute break, the key for me is to not take too long a break, the whole distraction thing just comes back if I decide to spend 30 minutes on Facebook/Instagram and I lose the flow! 15 minutes is just enough time to pee, reply messages, quickly check Facebook and breathe. Sometimes in the break if the flow is going to good to be broken, I review the work I’ve just done to actually help me remember stuff. I’m working on maybe taking shorter breaks? Maybe.

3.     Don’t Get Overwhelmed.

Staring at the mountain of books waiting to be read is not helpful, if you’re anything like me all that does is put you in panic mode and then that makes you unproductive, then you get depressed about how unproductive you’re being and then depression sinks in and you feel like doing no work. If you’re lucky this only lasts hours but sometimes it can last days! I’ve found that making a timetable is really helpful but if I don’t meet the goals I’ve set for myself then I start panicking about falling behind and we all know what panic does… What I’ve been trying to do instead is set mini goals for myself from when I wake up or possibly the night before. This helps me break the work up into bite size pieces and the mini goals for the day are usually more realistic and achievable than the timetable I made two weeks ago! Being overwhelmed causes you to lose focus. Just think baby steps, little drops of water make the mighty sea.

Well, after churning out all this advice I believe it’s now time for me to take some of my own advice and get a moving! It’s time to resume studying and stop faffing. Right after lunch. **wink**

Good Luck Everybody!

Lagos Nightlife: Four Shots in Likwid!

So I’ve been messing around with my blog again, I now have ew category tabs on the top so you my dears can quickly navigate to wherever you want! I did this partly because, I think but I’m not sure, I’m going to expand my blog to talk about more things; namely my New Year goals, including schoolwork, weight management/loss and hair growth! There are so many things I want to achieve and I thought “Hey! Might as well blog about it!” So yeah, in the next few months there might be more changes after I decide what I would like to share with the rest of the world. Oh and I also have a cool new signature at the end of my posts! Already making myself better, hehe. Anyways, that was just an update, bear with me as I try and perfect it!

On to the matter at hand today… Have you ever gone out clubbing and on your way out of the club, just before you got into your car heard 4 warning shots being fired into the air?? Yes, warning shots, from an actual hand held gun, FOUR of them! Friday night for me was so crazy and so eventful that I really don’t know where to begin. After hearing various stories about last weekend including girls falling into gutters while trying enter Likwid (A club in Lagos), people being put in the boot of their cars and warning shots being fired I wasn’t too keen on the whole idea of Lagos night life. I mean, as a babe! How can they push me into a gutter because I want to enter club! God forbid! Some things in life are just not worth the hassle! I mean, what do you even do when you’re in the gutter? These things are pretty deep as well and far from empty, how would you get out? How would you clean yourself up after? Or would you just get into your car with all the sewage and murkiness and go home? The thought of it literally sends shivers down my spine! Especially as I’m a bit of a germophobe!

Anyways after having a less than mediocre night at Koko concert the day before, (read all about it here) I decided I had to give the Lagos nightlife another go! So once again I got up, got dressed and headed out. First stop was Churrasco’s, as a true Lagosian, you can never go to just one place on a night out. The minimum is three, with four being about average. I think this pertains to the fact that clubbing is completely free, for girls anyways, except when the bouncers are being dicks. Back to Churrasco’s, I arrived there just after 11 (no this is not late, clubs generally don’t shut till the people all leave and this is typically around 5.30/6 a.m., we go hard!) and was greeted by a multitude of familiar faces, amongst this was fellow blogger and friend Afam! This would have been fine if I wasn’t so socially awkward sometimes (not with Afam, the other people!) I just get nervous and want to run away half the time! But as a sure babe I took it in my stride, or at least tried to! At about 1.30 it was finally time to head to the club, getting there and seeing the crowd I was already pissed off, my mood can be so volatile. But why the heck were people crowding around the gates, trampling and shoving each other like it was the pearl gates to Heaven? Nigerians really need to learn the concept of LINES! Everyone is always trying to use connections to get in, sometimes it’s like n*gga shut the hell up and wait in line! Ugh. At some point during this wait the gates were opened a little bit too wide and there was a mini stampede to get in. Sadly but also luckily, I was not amongst those that entered the gate. My friends and I decided Likwid was a bust so we moved on to our next joint. Radisson Blu.

Radisson was so much bants, another friend and fellow blogger @iTweetBanter and his posse give me so much jokes! After hassling our waiter Mr Innocent to no avail to find us suya, iTweetBanter and I just decided to drink the night away, it’s either the cocktails here contain far much more alcohol or I’m just a super duper lightweight, or both. By my third one I was positively buzzed and going around in shades at night like a real industry cat! **coolface**. After getting suitably tipsy all 10 or so of us headed back to Likwid, this time we got in hassle free (kinda) and danced the night away, one of the pros of being tipsy is that you don’t care if everyone else around you is just sitting and staring, if you like the music you still dance! Sometimes lowering your inhibitions can be the best thing! At 5 in the morning when we finally decided it was time to head on home, we called the driver to pick us up. One foot in the car and all of a sudden, four warning shots are fired by some MoPo’s (Mobile Police)! I’ve never gotten into a car and ducked my head so quickly; there is arguably nothing more sobering than gun shots! The worst part is, the driver tried to drive away!! Thinking about it now it was funny but really if anything had gone wrong it would have been a disaster! All in all, the night was actually a good one, better than most other nights anyways. But Likwid, Likwid, Likwid! Sort yourselves out before you become the backdrop of a tragic news story!

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Koko Concert: The Israelites Journey to the Promised Land.

So ever since I’ve been back in Lagos I haven’t really gone out, granted it's only been 4 days but the holiday is only 2 weeks long! I’ve seen lots of people yes but mainly at family events and the like so I was excited to finally be heading out on the town last night. My destination of choice, Koko Concert at Eko Atlantic. I was pretty excited to be going to Eko Atlantic, they are basically building a whole new city on reclaimed land and I think it’s a massive incentive that Nigerians should be proud of! The night started like many others, my friends and I deciding what to wear etc. After all the usual hustle all 5 of us are finally ready to roll, we hop in the car and thank Jah that we haven’t been stuck in any traffic from Ikoyi, where we live, to Victoria Island (a.k.a V.I another district in Lagos), little did we know what was waiting for us in V.I. The traffic we hit on Bar Beach road was horrendous! It can’t even be described as snail pace, it was dead locked. No going back, no moving forward! Imagine my annoyance when I saw some people reversing on the other lane to get to the venue faster. You decide if they’re stupid or smart. We decided that the traffic was too much and so we hopped out of the car and followed the masses of people all walking to this same destination. Let me point out that in Lagos it is near impossible to be late for anything! This concert was advertised to begin at 7pm. By 10 pm when I got out of my car it still hadn’t started yet.

2200 hours: We just got out of the car and started walking to the venue; hopefully we would be there in 10 minutes tops.

2210 hours: Oh yay, we are at the gate. Haha to all the suckers to boujis to get out of the car! Wait hold on, where is the place? Why can’t I see it? Oh it’s just a bit further down you say? Okay we’ve already walked this far, might as well keep going.

2220hours: Oh look! Is that Mac? Him and his friends are still in their car, maybe we should have been patient! This walk is taking a bit long!

2235 hours: Yay! Ticket check, I can hear Wizkid’s Azonto playing through the speakers! “Baby dance iyo ke ji jo” it’s boogie time! Oh… Not yet? Where the hell is this place! Why are we still walking!!

2240 hours: I’m scared, I’m cold… We are in the middle of the dessert! It’s dark! Why are we still walking?? Are they taking us to do sacrifice to appease the mami waters (mermaids)?! **flashback scenes of Jenifa part 1 come to mind** my mother would be distraught if she ever found out what we were doing right now!

2250 Finally we are getting our wristbands! I can see the VIP bleachers. Wow, I’m exhausted and thirsty!

Yes you read the right, we walked for AN HOUR to get from the car to the frikken platform, I don’t know what Dapo Oyebanjo was thinking when he allowed us to perform this Israelites journey! During this trek of life I saw all sorts, girls in their Loubs, boys in Tods and I was wondering if they had missed the memo that this concert was on a beach! That is, there is sand everywhere! I felt especially bad for the people who thought their jeeps could compete with the sand. Have you ever seen a tyre whizzing around so fast it’s causing it’s own tornado? My brothers was a Mercedes G-55 stuck in the sand on the way in and on the way back out (yes, we had to walk AGAIN!) the car was still there!! The poor owners, I wonder how they got out eventually!

The show finally started at around 2330 hours and needless to say the crowd was dead! Imagine if you were one of the few that got there on time? Or even before 10! You would have waited at least 2 hours! All in all I would say it was mediocre, there were a couple of awesome acts! My personal favourites were Godwin the violinist, DRB, Burna Boy, Iyanya, Tinie Tempah and part of Big Sean. Pusha T and co were just making unnecessary noise on the stage! Idris Elba as the MC was a complete nuisance, my n*gga was clearly drunk as a skunk! His voice even began to annoy me after some time. Seeing D’banj come on stage in his kingly robes had to be the funniest thing ever, I had such a nostalgic moment, thinking of back in the day when D’banj was the hottest shit ever, he was the best entertainer Nigeria had ever seen! Oh how the mighty have fallen, he might be moving up in the world but his fan base at home is waaay below par, everyone started leaving as soon as he came on. All I wanted to do was dance to Wizkid and Davido, but alas... they never showed up! Only in Nigeria does such happen without even so much as an apology!

There were many many more things wrong with the night, for instance how do you oversell tables of 1 million Naira (£4000/$6500) each and make some of those people have to stand! And then halfway through the night tell these same people to balance their weight because the structure on which they sit might fall! Then as if all of that wasn’t enough, Dapo now had the guts to tell the people in regular and VIP to apologise to the people in VVIP as if we hadn’t gone through our own fair share of bull! (don’t ask what VVIP stands for... I don’t know). Unfortunately, if I keep typing I run the risk of writing a novella! Hmm, maybe that’s not such a bad idea. Maybe I can call it ”The Israelites Journey to the Promised Land. NOT”

Christmas Day: 16 Year Old Boys and Kite High Girls

Hey beautiful people! A belated merry Christmas to you all!

Christmas day is definitely always one of my favourite days in the whole Christmas period, filled with family, friends, spiced meats and too much champagne! It’s definitely a day for jollification! This Christmas day was no different, the party was hosted at my cousins’ house in Lagos, and I saw family members that I haven’t seen in years and years! It’s so weird; the clan has like tripled since we last got together! People I didn’t even remember getting married were married with 2 kids! (Trust me, in a family as big as mine, it’s difficult to keep track of who is married and who is isn’t!) It was super cute meeting all my baby nieces and nephews; babies are so adorable! I love how they are so easily entertained by just about anything you put in front of them! There was even games and karaoke and the mandatory dancing that comes with celebrations. You should see my granddad breaking it down on the dance floor, it really is quite amusing.

This Christmas day was a bit weirder than some other ones I’ve experienced in the past though, I wasn’t quite sure what to make out of this 16 year old boy trying to convince me that he was 18 so that meant I was only a year older than him and therefore we should be together.. Firstly, no, I’m not 19. And secondly, I’m pretty sure he tried to feel my boobs with his head when he came for a bye-bye hug. That was strange; I was like “Hellooo, tiny person. This is very inappropriate!” But hey, it was Christmas day! If him resting his head on my bosom for half a second would have made his day any more special then well… no actually, I take that back. It was still weird!

But even weirder was my encounter with this girl! Okay so I must point out now that I don’t think ive ever seen anyone high, well except my dad's driver but he doesn't count! (May his soul rest in peace) I mean it’s not like I’m some goody two shoes that’s never been around weed but I just don’t think I’ve ever noticed it! Anyways, in comes this girl, extremely scantily clad. (May I point out now that she’s not part of the family) I think she missed the memo that it was a family affair not the strip club. I usually feel bad when I judge people but her outfit was scandalous. Some tiny shorts barely covering her barely-there bum, you know the kind that rises towards the outside to form like a V shape? And some velvety slinky low cut tank top. I will not lie, she did look good, it was just inappropriate! Anyways, I digress. After hours of watching her in amusement and giggling every time someone passed a comment about her choice of attire I had my first encounter with her in my cousins room. Here goes the conversation:

Me: Hey, have you seen Skinny Minnie? (that’s not her actual name)

Inappropriate Girl: No, she was here like twenty minutes ago.

Me (Upon noticing her eyes looking extremely bloodshot against her very yellow skin): Oh my gosh, what’s wrong? Are you okay?  **genuine concern here!*

I.G: Yea I’m fine, I haven’t seen your cousin though.

At this short response, I back out of the room and continue my search. Eventually I find Skinny Minnie and inform her of the earlier occurrence to which she replies nonchalantly. “Oh she’s high, they’ve all been going outside to get high. It's weird.”

Let it be known that “they” were not part of le familia, but still, I found it quite interesting that people were so bold as to get high in front of their parents friends… I really wish I could grow some balls and live recklessly! My stories pale in comparison to theirs! But at least now when i see someone with bloodshot eyes and no visible tears I wouldn't waste my genuine love and care on them. Especially not in this city where the ibo they smoke is fifty times more potent than in the U.K.! Nevertheless, I will not be trying any of the above! I hope the I.G. had a blast! YOLO and things! If not on Christmas Day then when? Haha.

Merry Belated Christmas again to you my lovely readers!

Glad tidings,

Morenike

P.S: Happy Birthday Skinny Minnie! I know you hate being called skinny but the nickname seemed so befitting! I love you lots and lots and lots! Hope you have an amazing day!

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