In Love With Two

Hey hey hey!

I apologise for the current ever-changing state of the blog, trying to find a perfect new look for 2013 :) Please bear with me while I experiment with colour schemes, dynamics and so on until I think I love it again! Also like my Facebook Page! Anyways, moving swiftly on to today’s topic!

Can you be in love with two people at the same time? This is something that I’ve ALWAYS wondered about! Is it truly truly possible to be completely in love with two people simultaneously? For once this topic doesn’t even stem from my love for Rihanna and Chris Brown (who are apparently off again **boooooo**), it’s just something that always seems to pop up in conversations every now and then and I realised that I haven’t ever posted about it. I asked a couple of people about it and I got the usual answers about how there’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone, which I completely agree with! But this post is not about the differences between those!

People have dedicated whole songs to trying to figure out how to live when in love with two people (Usher-What’s A Man To Do) and some people have even released silly videos on the interweb which caused one of their significant others to dump their ass! (Breezaay). There’s even my favourite series at the moment; Vampire Diaries, where Elena has been in love with both Stefan and Damon separately and together, they’ve both represented different things to her, Stefan always being the safer option while Damon is the daredevil bad boy that every girl secretly wishes they could tame. And while I’m unhappy that she’s straying from the plot in my mind and trying to please all the Delena fans, it makes me wonder why no one has ever questioned whether she ever truly loved Stefan but when it happens in real life, people always jump to the conclusion of “you obviously were never in love with the first one”.

The movie Scavengers put being in love with two people in a whole new perspective. Blake Lively’s character claims to be in love with two guys who happen to be best friends, not in a destructive way to them though, they also both love her. But anyways, the way she describes it is that one of them has a softer side, he ‘makes love’ to her, he’s more passionate, more in tune with his feelings, let’s call him Water. The other is hard, he’s not as in touch with his feelings I guess and he definitely doesn’t ‘make love’ to her, her body experiences a whole new set of feelings. Obviously he’s Fire.

Throughout the movie she doesn’t show preference to any of them, she’s equally distressed when either of them are in danger, she doesn’t sleep with one more frequently, in fact they often have coitus in threes. One might argue that she isn’t in love with either of them and that what she feels for them is just lust but for arguments sake, let’s say she is actually in love with them both. She feels no form of confusion at all, she’s not conflicted in her mind on who she should love more or spend the rest of her life with. She’s just a young girl, having a blast on an island with two hot best friends. I suppose it helps that they don’t get jealous and petty over her; she’s both of theirs equally. What I’m wondering is this; is it possible for two different people to bring out two completely different sides in you but in your mind neither side is better or wrong, you love both people and both sides and can’t imagine life with only the one. And no, you do not have split personality disorder! Is it possible to have Water and Fire coexist?

I think it is, if not how on earth did Adele set fire to the rain?! I’m not trying to say I can define what being in love with two people is but I do think it’s possible! I mean why the hell not?? Who is always creating all these plenty rules that we must abide by. Sure it’s probably confusing and leads to a lot of heartbreak and a lot of pain, but if you know you can’t handle it then don’t entertain the thoughts of having two people in your life at the same time, flee from temptation! Let your heart heal before inviting someone else to fill a gaping hole that was left by your last love. If you end up living happily ever after, that’s great, if not... Well, all’s fair in love and war.

Adios!

Unrequited Love

Today has definitely established itself as a duvet day in my books, it’s 2.30 on a Sunday afternoon and I’m still in bed, I’m starving but have neither the strength nor the will to get up and make myself something to eat. I just want to lay here all day and watch episode after episode of crappy TV show. Then I started thinking about how I have exams and really want to do well and why I even chose this masters programme and wondering what plans God has for me. I can only pray I’m on the right track. Then for some reason my mind wondered to the theme of unrequited love. Random you might think but it really isn’t so random. For instance, the love I have for chemical engineering is infinite even though it constantly makes me lose sleep, get stressed out and sometimes makes me borderline depressed! I would also love to work for an international oil company so I shall keep applying until someone says YES!

Anyways my mind quickly left the thoughts of chem eng and I started thinking of unrequited love in more of the ‘usual’ sense of the phrase. Take for example this relationship. This guy Seye has pretty much been in love with some girl Tami for the better part of his university career. He openly displays his affection for her through every possible avenue, he’s always there for her in times of need, and heck to all their friends; the two are basically together. Just one little problem. They’re not. Tami likes him, she thinks he’s kind and sweet and generous but as she’s been telling him since they met, she’s just not ready for a relationship and would rather focus on school at the moment. Also, she’s not ready to be tied down to just one person at the tender age of 20. She knows that Seye likes her and exploits it to her benefit a lot of the time. Don’t get me wrong Tami is not some evil bitch queen; it’s just human nature to satisfy your own needs first. So that’s how their relationship has been for the last few years, Tami taking what she needs and sometimes giving back in return and Seye constantly giving and loving and caring. Until one day after the long summer break, he finds out that Tami has a boyfriend! Now all that talk about wanting to focus on school and not being ready can be seen for the bullshit it really was. I just didn’t want to call her out before. Naturally Seye is heartbroken and depressed and gets nicknamed lonely boy.

I don’t know how many people can actually relate to what I’m saying. It is not easy to be in a position where the person you love doesn’t love you back. Rejection in life is always difficult but what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger. The worst thing you can do after such an experience is become a bitter old hag and wallow in self-pity for the rest of your life (Think Miss Havisham from Great Expectations). Obviously this applies to much more than just personal relationships, everyone needs to know their own worth and realise that rejections are just a part of life. We all need to find our ‘selling point’ and not get overly frustrated when things don’t go our way. Yes it may hurt so deep down inside that we feel like we are breaking from the inside out but life goes on and allowing yourself to be sucked by darkness is not only unhealthy, but also life threatening. You are the only person who controls your happiness, so get up and start living! Make yourself the best possible version of you there can ever be so that when the opportunity does come your way, and it will, you are ready for it.

Anyways I kind of went of on a tangent there, which I apparently do a lot. My point is, when life throws you lemons. Make lemonade, and not the basic kind and some sugar to it! Even make it fizzy if you can! At least that’s what I’m going to be trying to do while I start my next wave of job applications! I’m getting ready to be the best version of me I’ve ever been.

Have a great week guys,

Morenike

P.S. I really should start putting these posts up on the intended day! 

Geordie Shore: The Complexities of Charlotte and Gaz

Please note that this post may contain some spoilers, nothing major though. You should still read it :)

Geordie Shore! Geordie Shore! Geordie Shore!!!!!

This show is absolutely amazing! Literally the trashiest, filthiest show I’ve ever seen but I love it! I don’t know how to describe it to you guys that haven’t been privileged enough to watch it. Everyone needs to give it a chance! The season I watched, (season 3 I believe) has the members of the shore hchlling in party central Cancun. Basically they go out every night and get wasted or “mauled” or was it “moored” I have no idea.  The guys all want to smash some ‘worldies’ i.e. girls not from the U.K. and the girls just want to have fun!

It all started one fine Autumn day, I’m chilling at a friends house, dreading the onset of university for the fourth year running so she says to me ‘Hey, let’s watch Geordie Shore, you’d love it.” And I, having previously watched the founder of new trashy TV, Jersey Shore and finding it quite mediocre wasn’t really having it. But she’s a selfless friend and so she put it on anyways. There I was, happily playing on my laptop, listening to new music doing my blog rounds etc when my ears were greeted with the sound of a thick Geordie accent saying “I sh*t myself last night, I’m going to put my knickers in the food bin because really, poo is just food that comes out your bum.” SHOCK HORROR and then fits of laughter were what followed as I gawked at the screen in disbelief! I could not believe someone just said that. From that moment I was dead and gone for the entire cast of the show!

I can imagine that a lot of you are now questioning my sense of humor and thought process but I can assure you, you need to watch it! Anyways, this post isn’t really a tribute to Geordie Shore, after al they are not paying me, but in the episode I watched today I really got to thinking about some stuff. Charlotte and Gary are my favourite couple on the show, I hate to love them but I do. Charlotte is your typical girl with a wild streak, she goes out, gets “mauled” comes home, throws up everywhere, sh*ts her pants etc. and she also has the filthiest mouth on the show. Not in a swear words type way but in the sense that she says things like “She’s fallen for him like a shit in the toilet bowl, skid marks and all.” moment of silence as you all come to terms with what you just read. but on the inside she’s also really sweet. Gary is also your typical lad, all the other boys want to be as cool as Gaz and have threesomes and pull two girls at a time. Charlotte is basically crazy in love with Gary and he knows it, they slept with each other a couple times but stopped because it was ruining their friendship. He definitely cares for her too. You can see it in the way he reacts when she’s upset or when they aren’t ‘kicking off’ a.k.a. fighting. The problem is, Gary just cant stop pulling other girls. Once there’s alcohol and scantily clad ‘worldies’ waiting to be blessed by him he just cant help himself. Charlotte always lets on like she doesn’t care if he pulls other girls seeing as they aren’t together as long as it’s not in front of her but then gets stupidly upset when anything happens or if Gary brings a girl home. THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH GIRLS!

If you don’t like something then say it, if you’re in love with him and you know you can’t handle seeing him making out with other girls in front of you then say it. I literally can’t wrap my head around the way some girls try to be ‘like guys’ and act like they don’t care and nothing can affect them and then when the guy is being a guy you cry and bitch and moan about it. If you know you can’t handle yourself like a lady it’s always best to extract yourself from the situation. Now I know it’s never that easy and love is blind and what not but girls need to learn to control their own and take what they think they deserve. It’s so important for a girl to know her worth. For example, begging a guy to sleep with you and then trying to toss him off when he’s sleeping after he’s said NO is highly unacceptable! I’m not saying you should treat your box like a prize (which you should) but at least have some decency and RESPECT YOURSELF! Because pussy is power! Lol.

On the other hand, are some boys just hard wired not to be monogamous in any sense of the word? You know you like the girl but you just can’t commit but you just can’t imagine a world without her. It’s unfair for guys to expect a girl to act like his girlfriend when they’re unwilling to put in the work, yet some girls do it too freely. This is one of the only reasons I respect and still like Gary even though I think he’s a complete asshole. He had the decency to cut himself off from Charlotte physically. What do you think? If you were in Charlotte’s shoes would you continue pretending like you can be his friend? And can some boys just not accept the thought of having one girl? And if you were Gary, remembering that you genuinely care for Charlotte, would you try and give up all the other girls? Or is it a case of YOLO living?

Red Skies

One of my more recent poems, would really appreciate some feedback so leave some comments please! :) 

Red skies at night, sailors delight;

Thoughts of azure mornings,

Stretching for thousands of miles.

In his eyes I see love, desire and pleasure

Sure as the days promised light,

Nothing can spoil this,

In him, is the rest of me.

Red skies in the morning, sailors warning;

Clouds, dark and roaring take over the skies.

What has become of my lovers tongue?

Should he spew venom alone?

Of lust, anger and debauchery?

Whatever happened to his warm eyes?

I do not recognize him.

Tonight my sky is starless,

Charcoal as the demon,

That painted it so.

My heart is restless,

It beats an unsteady rhythm like the lips of my lover;

One moment cursing,

And the other caressing.

Oh how I long for the dusk to come,

Where I shall reunite with my scarlet knight.

First Date Nerves- Response

So one of my favourite things to do in writing is to take a piece written from a male perspective and then re-write it from the female's point of view. I recently came across this amazingly detailed piece written by Tayo and I knew I had to accept the challenge! The original can be found here and more of his amazing stories/poetry can be found on his blog, TayoMichael. Enjoy.

He asked me out. Saturday he said. Saturday at 6. Just a casual link up, it doesn’t have to be a date. It took him long enough; he’s had the green light for a while. What to wear, what to wear? Are jeans too dressed down? A dress too dressed up? Maybe he hates yellow. I should go with black. Black leggings. Tan boots. Mickey tee. No, not Mickey, he might think I’m childish. Betty Boop? Too slutty. Gosh I hate my wardrobe. Where is my fairy godmother already? Nail polish is chipped. Hope he pays no attention to the detail. Mickey or Betty? Betty or Mickey. Come on girl, it’s 5.50. Too late to train it, call the cab. Make-up is acceptable right? Understated is always better. I pick Mickey, hmm how about Tweety?

6.00, I’m late already. He hasn’t text me yet. I wonder if he’s there. He did say he’d be a little late. Where the hell is that taxi? I’m starving, haven’t eaten all day. Quick, make a sandwich before the taxi arrives. Ham, mayo, bread. Phone rings. Taxi is here. Grab the sandwich. It’s chilly outside, should have brought a scarf. In the taxi now, I text my sister. “I’m so nervous, I really like him already!” Oh no, no no! This cannot be happening. There’s mayo on my leggings. My phone buzzes, it’s him “Hey, where are you?” Shit! I can’t reply just yet, I look a mess. Eyelids heavy with tears; blink girl, blink. You’ll ruin your face. Finally there. Overpaid the driver, no time to wait for change.

Jump out the cab, head straight to the ladies. Some water on my face would do right now. I wipe the stains, why won’t they go away! Frustrated. Exasperated. I just want to go back home. Breathe in, breathe out. I’m here now, too late to cancel. Text him back ‘I’m in the cinema’. One more slick of lip gloss and I’m ready to go. My hair looks crazy but it’s too late for that now. There’s a little girl in here, “Mummy, I want to look like her one day.” She says. She’s talking about me. I smile. I beam. I’m ready now. I think? Step out of the ladies and back to the entrance. Should I say hi or hey? Hug or wave? Oh Lord, my heart is doing 60 miles an hour again, I hope he can’t tell. I’m not even normally shy.

I see him. He’s literally yummy. Tall, dark and that boyish grin; oh boy. “Hi-ey!” My goodness, did I just cross hi and hey? Awkward hug, wave, shake thing. This is a disaster. “Sorry I’m late” he says. “Oh it’s okay” Do I let him know that I was late too? No. No point. What film to watch? I don’t know what he likes. Do I even know him at all? The silence is getting awkward. I wish I wasn’t so nervous. Butterflies in my tummy and cat’s got my tongue. Film doesn’t start for an hour. What are we going to do till then? My tongue is still paralysed, I’m starting to sweat. Oh small talk why have you failed me so? After what seems like an eternity, he says. “I want to show you something”. Show we something huh? Boys will be boys.

It’s cold outside. I really wish I brought that scarf. I cross my arms across my chest. That looks defensive. Uncross. Can I hold his hand? He might think me forward. At least he’s talking now thank goodness. I respond. We laugh. Laughter is good. I like boys who make me laugh. I like him. Walking side by side, why does the space between us feel so vast? It’s probably the cold air. But this is nice. He’s not too forward, such a gentleman. We’re still laughing. He’s such a joker. Playful shove. Finally we’re closing the space! I’m completely at ease now. “Where are we going?” I ask. “You’ll see” he responds. We get there. It’s beautiful. I must say I’m surprised. For a “London” boy he definitely has a softer side.

Film time now. Do we really have to go back and sit in silence? He’s paid for it already, might as well. Film starts. Silence I said? Far from. Elderly couples glaring at us. Hey! It’s not my fault I’m having a blast. The film’s boring, or maybe he’s just much more entertaining. He leans towards my neck, my heart’s going crazy again. I could have sworn he almost kissed me! No? Maybe next time then. Now that’s all I can think about, is he going to try or not? I hope he does. Pretending I can’t hear him, I lean a little closer. Come on, this is your signal. He wants to kiss me; I can read it all over him. Nothing. The moment’s lost now; he’s still being a gentleman. Almost too gentlemanly? Well I tried, maybe next time.

Film’s about to end. This can’t be over yet. I need more time. Definitely giving curfew a miss. I text my sis hurriedly ‘Is dad home yet? If not text me when he’s back’ ‘No, kk I will’ she responds. Score, I can stay out later. “How are you getting home?” he asks. “I don’t want to go, let’s walk” I say. There’s this space between us again. It took so long to break it last time. Again, can I hold his hand? Or is that far too forward? I breathe in deeply and reach out. I grab his hand. He holds mine immediately. Oh such bliss, I never want to let go. We slow down to a stroll and stop walking, watching the boats go by below the bridge. Does he know how much I want to kiss him? He can’t or else we wouldn’t be talking about boats. Resigned but happy, I squeeze his hand a little tighter. It’s been a while since I felt like this.

From nowhere, he holds me closer and leans in; I know exactly what is happening. Eyes closed. We kiss. Exhilarating! Completely exhilarating! His lips are warm, he tastes like Fanta fruit twist. Mmm, this was definitely worth the wait. He looks at me, I think I see my future in his eyes but I can’t be sure. Another kiss will tell. His arms go to my waist, mine to his shoulders. Perfect height, I don’t have to bend too low or tiptoe too high. We keep kissing; he’s amazing. I cheekily flick his tongue. My phone buzzes. That can only mean one thing, daddy’s home. I have to go. “I had an awesome evening” he says. “So did I” I reply. Heaven knows I don’t want to leave. This has been the best first date ever. Taxi is here. We kiss again and say goodbye. This time when he looks at me, I’m sure I see my future in his eyes. Perfect night. Perfect boy. Perfect time. Perfect personified. I’m ecstatic.

First date nerves? Pshh, they are such a waste of time.

Morenike.

Similar Posts:

Letter to My Boyfriend, Football Season

TayoMichael: First Date Nerves

This post was written by one of my dearest friends, Tayo. I read it and loved the attention to detail and the telling of the whole story. So classic. I had to reblog it and also try and do a response which you can find here. Hope I did it justice, but for now, here's Tayo's piece.

Hands sweaty. Knees weak. Arms feel heavy. Ate barely 2 hours ago, butterflies in my tummy. I can’t control this feeling. Never been on a date before. Genuinely never met a girl like this before. She’s way out of my league, what does she even see in me. Will she understand me. Rhyming slang and a london accent. Will it annoy her? Look at my hair in the mirror. Suddenly need a new shape up. I should have cleaned my Vans.  Nah. I should have worn my Converse. My chinos don’t look ironed. Should have worn jeans. Such an idiot. Fuck. Sh’e gonna laugh at me to her friends. I feel like such a muppet. Should have shaved shouldn’t I. What was I thinking. Too late now. I’m here now. 20 minutes late. Never keep a girl waiting. School boy error number one. This could be the worst evening ever?

The cold air slaps my face as I stand outside the station. I needed that. Now to find her. I’ve never called her before. Do I text her? *sigh* I’m  a mess. Breathe mate, just breathe. Need cash, I’m supposed to pay for everything on a first date right? Why is this queue so long. Group of ladies in heels are laughing in front of the machine. Come on girls, get a move on! Look around anxiously, still no sign of her. Check my phone every 6 seconds. Why won’t she text back. Has she gone? I wouldn’t blame her. Who’s late to a first date. My tummy turns. I want to throw up. I close my eyes. Breathe kid. You’ve got this. My turn. Cash out. How much. Do I really need £50? Yeah just in case. Ok, lets find her.

Lips are dry. Can’t open my vaseline tin. This is awkward. My hands look dry. I just creamed them! Lick my lips and exhale. My phone vibrates. ‘I’m in the cinema’. Suddenly I wish she didn’t text back. I don’t want to go no more. Standing in the middle of the road. It’s now or never mate. A man brushes past me aggresively. That knocks me into life. Let’s go. Walking to meet her. I’m practising my greeting. ‘Heyyyy’. Nah, ‘Hey you alright’. Nah, ‘Hi’. They all sound moist. smh. Walking towards the cinema. I can see the door. Now my heart is racing. What should i do?! Full body Hug? Kiss her cheek? This is harder than I thought. [Yes it's my first time, don't judge me].

I see her. She’s stunning. Tall, slim and glowing. She smiles. I melt. ‘H-h-hey’. Half Hug, half I don’t know what to call it. Awkward. You idiot. Shocking is disrespectful to the word. That was apologetic. ‘Sorry I’m late’. ‘Oh its ok’. She seems so calm. We look at film times in silence. Thinking of a joke in my head to break the ice. You’re funny man! Say something. Nope. None. Zilch. Zero. Nothing. Kaput.’Nothing comes to my head. Film doesn’t start for an hour.’ Good! This isn’t how I want it anyways. I have a plan B . ‘i wanna show you something’ I say.

Outside. It’s chilly. Wanna grab her hand but I think its too soon. Nah mate. Way too early. There’s confident and there’s arrogant. Let’s be neutral for now. Be easy. Just talk. Don’t even remember if this is a date. Maybe she just wants to hang out. Fuck it. At least leave a good account of yourself. I’m better than this. We talking. She’s laughing now! Get in! I’m mocking her. Playful shove. 1st contact since the hug thing. Yep I’m counting. I’m calm. She’s responsive. Hasn’t touched her phone either. Can only mean she’s interested and there’s nothing to tell her friends about yet. This is nice. Pretty with a personality. What a touch. Reached ‘Plan B’. It’s always awesome. She likes it. Brownie points for me no doubt. Good work fella. This is going better than I expected!

Look at the time. Film time. Neither or us wants to stop walking now. But we go anyways. Film starts. Still talking. Laughing lots now. Whispered jokes. Concentrating folk hissing ‘shhh’. We laugh it off. Film sucks. Inches from her face. Do I lean and kiss or lean and miss. Is it worth the risk? Toss a coin in my head. Nope, can’t leave it to probability. Still skeptical. I actually like her. Rejection would make for awkward viewing. Not worth the risk I say. So I lean towards her neck in an ‘i’m yawning’ fashion. Smell her. Rihanna Reb’l Fleur. Yum. Wonder what she’s thinking..Wish I had more bottle. 100% attempt made to kiss ratio. I don’t wanna lose now. I can wait. Besides, I want the first one to be romantic. Sorta. None of that in the rain moist stuff. Just not in a cinema I guess. Perhaps a goodbye kiss? Yeah. Definately…..maybe. *sighhh*

Film over. Pretty decent in the end. Home time? I ask how are you getting home. Relucatantly. ‘I don’t want to go, lets walk’ she says. Can’t believe my luck. Look to the heavens. Thanks Big Man! Walking and talking, she grabs my hand, I clasp and don’t let go. Ectasy. Doing cartwheels in my head. Words don’t do my feelings justice. I’m guessing I should have done this ages ago. I’m shy. Bite me. Walking and talking. Clear dark skies. Perfect weather. Perhaps a touch cold. Her hand keeps my entire body warm. We stop at a bridge. Look aimlessly into the water and people walking on the river bank. I really want to kiss her. Just got to find the right moment. I know I’m going to. I just don’t know when. Devil on my shoulder – don’t bother you suck. Angel on my right side – ignore him, he’s a pest. Silence. She smiles. I smile. It’s not awkward but there’s a funny feel about it. We’re talking about boats. Really? Enough is enough. It’s show time boy.

I hold her and lean in and close my eyes; she responds. We kiss. [One finger skank. Gunshot salute]. WHAT!! Amazing! Seems like forever. Warm. Moist. She tastes awesome. Where have you been all my life. Lips part. She looks at me with’about time’ eyes. ‘I’ve wanted to do that all night’ I say. She laughs. We kiss again. and again. and again. I’m a good kisser I know that much. She’s not too bad either. Bite her bottom lip, she’s misbehaving with her tongue. Everything has fallen into place. Feels like a weight has been lifted. This definately should have happened hours ago! It’s alright I say to myself. I’m happy now. Perfect spot. Perfect night. Perfect girl. Perfect time. Perfect personified. I am buzzing.  ’I had an awesome evening’ I say.  ’So did I’ she replies. I’m planning my future with her already. Call me crazy. We cuddle. I don’t want to let go. Nights like these should last forever. I stare at her for ages. She is beautiful. We kiss again. I’m calm on the surface. Inside I have won the lottery and found the girl of my dreams. Home time. She has to go. Put her in a taxi. Not before a final kiss. If I died today. I’m calm. She’s drives off. I text my friend ‘pulled! haha x’. Home time for me. Best night of my life.

First date nerves?? Don’t know what you mean mate. This was all part of my plan ;)

Tayo Michael.

Her Best Friends Guy

Happy new month everybody! Here's to praying that August brings you all the success and joy that you want for yourselves in life! Stay strong! Not to take away from the Staying Single series currently going on, but I still have to blog about 'normal' things sometimes!

Anyways, as some of you may know by now, I like to rant and recent conversation with friends begs that I with my infinite wisdom (self washing, le worst!) try and answer the question. “Is it ever okay to date your friends ex?” Unfortunately this question has so many variables that even as a seasoned engineer (another bout of self washing, forgive me, the sun is out or at least it was when I was writing this!) my head spins as I think about it. Let us now postulate that:

1. This question is specifically but not entirely directed to girls, our male counterparts have all sorts of other rules in their universe that I will not try and understand.

2. The friend is question is not an acquaintance; she’s not one of the girls you call when you want to go out. She’s one that you call when you’re feeling low.

3. Her and her ex dated ‘seriously and exclusively’ for 14 months.

4. They’ve been broken up for about 4 months now.

Okay, I think I’ve got it all covered now. You see, many variables.

Now as much as I am always pro Sparta and someday seek to be their Queen. (A Spartan is a woman who knows what she wants and goes for it), I think that there is a point where things can be taken too far and issues like this can cause irrevocable damage to a friendship.

Some people say that sometimes things just happen, you didn’t mean to fall in love with him. BULLSHIT! You know who he is, and you know all the ins and outs of his relationship with your friend, this was no mistake. You wanted him and now you have him, don’t try and hide behind silly stories of a flame lit in a period of darkness. You should have considered your friends feelings before you were having midnight conversations with him. Other times girls just have to be careful and know who their true friends are. Unfortunately not everyone out there that you consider a friend actually has your back in this life. Some people have bad belle for you and have always wanted your man, especially if they can see he’s a keeper.

I was going to say that the only time it is acceptable to date your friends ex is when she says so but even this is only half true. Sometimes girls like to try and prove to their friends that they have moved on, especially if the guy did her dirty. As her friend you should know if she’s lying to you or not, she might say it’s okay but if every time his name comes up she gets a glassy look in her eye you should know that it’s not okay.

Sadly, it seems I have failed you; I don’t have an answer to this question :(

All I can say is, if you’re the girl that wants her friends ex then make sure that you’re sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is worth it. And if you’re the girl that’s feeling betrayed by her ex and former best friend then all I have to say is don’t worry they would break up soon! The sun would come out tomorrow and you would be fine.

Use the comment box people, share your thoughts on the matter, help me answer this age old (?) question!

Graduation Season: Appreciating the Good Friends

As we can all tell, it’s graduation season, how happy I am to be amongst the privileged many that get to throw their hats up into the sun, hoping for a bright future J. In case you didn’t know, I recently graduated from the University of Manchester, BEng (Hons) in Chemical Engineering. Whooop!

One other thing that is commonplace in graduation season is various lunches, dinners and other events to celebrate. And as the universe has been trying wickedly to expand my waistline I can say that I am happy I have been to the last of those for now! (time to hit that gym baby!) At one of said dinners, I was asked to give a short speech about a very dear friend of mine. It was awkward sha I can’t lie! I don’t like speaking in public but if I am to be Queen of Sparta I see no other way to get around this, so I took this as a practice run. Thinking about what to say during the dinner made me reflect on my friendship with her and think of all the years I’ve known her. Truth be told it gave me a better understanding of the word friendship, both through the good times and the bad times we’ve managed to somehow still be here today as good friends and that made me glow with pride (okay, not quite glow, but what’s life without a little exaggeration?). We sometimes spend every day with friends, or speak to them every day but we rarely ever take time out to let them know that they mean everything to us and we appreciate them.

I am writing this post grateful that the god Lord has deemed it fit to bless me with some of the best friends a girl could ever asked for and I just want to let you all know, both my close friends and my not so close ones, that I appreciate you all! Now go on out there and tell somebody that you love them!

Side note: For anyone that went to the Watch the Throne concerts, through out writing this post I kept thinking of Kanye’s loooong performance of Runaway and him going on forever about telling someone out there that you love them! Some really soppy ish! LMAO

Love,
Moi

In Love With Love

Hi mi darlings,

I apologise for the constant change of my blogs look, I get bored relatively easily and it seems I’ve fallen out of love with my last layout, though I may yet return to it. All my posts are still on here, the archive list is still on the right hand side, you can also now easily share my posts via Facebook or twitter if you please and there’s a handy new “follow by email” tab for people who don’t have Google accounts. So please follow and share away!

Speaking of being bored and falling out of love, why is it that some people fall in and out of love so fast they make the cars on the German Autobahn look like snails?? It sometimes amazes me how quickly some people move on, and it’s always the ones that seem like they are the most in love that never cease to surprise me! Going through their Facebook timeline you can spot a serial dater from miles away

15 June 2012: I love my baby so much, thank you Segun for making me feel all brand new.

1 February 2012: Wow! I just got flowers from the most amazing boyfriend in the world! Tomiwa it’s you and I together forever!

31 November 2011: #nowplaying Love Story- Taylor Swift. This album perfectly describes how I feel about Seun, the story of our love!

Okay fine, maybe no one writes status’ that corny on facebook (I hope) but still it’s annoying! People need to realise that there’s nothing wrong with being single. It’s not a sickness or a disease. I don’t believe I’m really about to quote this boy but as Afam said in his blog post Application of Economics: Smashed up hearts hung out to dry,you keep leaving a piece of yourself with the last person so much so that you get to a point where you’re no more than a shadow of your old self.

I’m not saying that life should always be so serious and you need to become a social recluse to get over someone. On the contrary, go out there, have the most fun you’ve had in your life but not because you know that he/she is going to see your pictures on Facebook and you think it would make them want you back. You do it because you are you and you love having a good time!

One might argue that people who move on so quickly were never really “in love” with the person in the first place. I put “in love” in quotes because I am yet to define what that common phrase actually means. Personally I think that’s only half the problem, the problem is that some people are so in love WITH LOVE that they would do anything to keep that feeling. Having someone to daydream about and to call right before you close your eyes to go to bed. All na sentiment! Which is why when the going gets tough they give up, because as far as they know, love is not meant to be like that. It’s meant to be like in the movies where the couple fights for 1 week and then the guy comes back on his shiny white horse, (topless of course, how else would you see his abs of steel??) bearing gifts of fine wine and perfumes and getting ready to wine and dine the girl back into falling “in love” with him (again, my imagination comes out to play, insufferable I tell you).

People that know me may think of me as a serial dater and I’d be honest, at some point I was and I didn’t think of it as a problem until kind of recently. I made that conscious decision not to date the next guy that told me he liked my voice (dead!) I was single for a few months and I loved it. We need to learn to love ourselves first, so that we can begin to even think of loving someone else. Relying on someone else for assurance that you are worth it and you are special is like praying that it wouldn’t rain in Manchester for 2 weeks. It never happens, and it’s is never worth it, better learn to carry that umbrella friend!

Identify Yourselves: Samantha Vs. Carrie

Samantha’s are extroverts and would walk straight up to the object of their desire and let them know their intentions.

Carrie’s are a bit shyer; they could walk up to the guy but would hardly go past a basic hi-hi conversation

Samantha’s sleep around and get off with different guys because they want to and they can

Carrie’s do it because their friends are doing it

Samantha’s take the boys to her house

Carrie’s try and find a nice romantic hotel last minute and would sometimes settle for the guy’s house, rarely hers.

Samantha’s kick the guy out of bed at the first sight of daylight with money for a coffee on the way home

Carrie’s get up and put on his shirt while making him an omelette for breakfast.

Samantha’s never even got the guys phone number; in fact she doesn’t remember his name!

Carrie’s store their numbers in the guys phone and tell him to call her when he gets home.

Samantha’s can get with the same guy on another random night or a different guy every few nights.

Carrie’s feel a sense of attachment to their latest partners and try to wait as long as possible before they go searching for someone new.

You can never tie a Samantha down, unless she let’s you.

Carrie’s are all too willing to become your girlfriend; if you give her the chance she’d be meeting your mum before the holidays run out.

Samantha’s know they are sexy and make sure that everyone else in the room knows it too.

Carrie’s are just as sexy but more likely to wait to be noticed.

Samantha’s aren’t afraid of a little experimentation.

Carrie’s prefer the more PG things of life.

Samantha’s are go-getters all the way.

Carrie’s like to be chased and wooed.

Although let’s remember, both Samantha’s and Carrie’s can get hurt, sadly no one is immune to that. So decide for yourselves ladies, are you a Samantha or a Carrie? Be honest! What do you think of my list? Did I miss anything major out? Share your thoughts in the comment box J

For The Love of a Good Guy

As a girl I sometimes have to wonder if some life experiences leave us so scarred that we might be missing out on a potentially good thing because of past experiences. I’m pretty sure every one has been hurt, cheated on or lied to by someone they care about before but that’s not what I’m talking about, not in particular anyways. Take for instance my friend, let’s call her CDK, 21 year-old beauty, smart, good body! She never takes any guy she meets in a club seriously because of some stuff that went down a while back. I'm not saying that most of these guys are meant to be taken seriously but occasionally there might be a diamond in the rough!

So a couple of nights in a week we decide to head out to the clubs, get a little wasted and just generally have a good time. Cute guy comes up to her, let’s call him Jay, and they start talking (my role in the club is solely as wing girl to bail her out if she needs it, you should know that I’m in a committed relationship). So anyways, she and the guy get to dancing and chatting, I go and find some other friends to attach myself too while I wait for any signs from her to tell me she’s good or requires bailing out. Turns out he’s not a creep and they keep at it the whole night, at the end of it all they exchange numbers. CDK comes home all giddy because they’re meant to be meeting up sometime in the week to go to the movies/drinks/dinner.

The week comes and they’ve been chatting, he’s really spitting his A-game (yes, I have read at least 60% of all their conversation) so they day for the movies finally arrives and what do you know, home boy is sort of busy, he promises to make it up to CDK if she comes over to his later that evening, say 10 p.m. she declines and says she’d rather reschedule. Being the sweet/perfect guy that he is he agrees. Needless to say, the time for the next date comes around and he has another reason not to meet up but for her to come over (Coursework, Athletics club, his fish died etc.) Anyways, this goes on for a couple of weeks till my poor naïve girlfriend realises that this boy only has one agenda. My question to you guys right now? Why try so hard! Surely there are a good number of other girls out there just waiting to arrive at your doorstep when you call them. That illusion of ‘the chase’ that guys like so much, why does it never wear off? This boy Jay kept trying all sorts of tricks and scandalous lines just to get CDK to come over to his unaccompanied for months on end! (We girlies have to stick together when entering the lions’ den).

Boys need to realise that not all girls are the same, especially as you’re not trying to take her out once or twice to show her a good time! That’s entirely different, you can woo her with the charm I suppose. But when you’re trying to make a girl you just met your “chill at home chick” then I’m a bit lost. The same way I blame Eve every month when her curses are manifested in my life is the same way I blame the sleazy girls of my generation. I’m not saying don’t have a good time; in fact have a great time! But you could at least try and front for like I don’t know, 2 hours before serving yourself on a silver platter. Also can I just point out that there’s a MASSIVE difference between the girl that sleeps around like a dude no strings attached (All hail Sex and the City’s Samantha Jones) and those that try and sleep around but always end up getting attached (Hi Carrie!). be true to yourself, if you’re a Carrie don’t try and act like Samantha, you end up getting hurt and also make guys think that all girls have a Samantha in them, there’s nothing wrong with being a Carrie!

Guys, if you’ve been trying to get a girl to be your chill at home chick and she’s never been on it and still not on it after 3 months then please respect yourself and fall back. You just end up looking overly thirsty to the girl and let’s not forget all of her posse that she has been telling about every single stage of your ‘relationship’. Girls, as far as I am concerned there is no reason to feel pressured into going to a boy’s house when it’s dark outside! As a child of the light, stay strong and keep saying no or ignoring those phone calls because once you get to his crib, some guys have the power to talk your panties off and make you think it was all your idea!

“With This Ring I Thee Promise”- The Promise Ring Paradigm

I would never forget the look on my mother’s face and the confusion in mine when she sent me to buy my brother a gift for his (female) school friend whose birthday it was. Jewellery was the suggested present so I popped into Accesorize, looked around found this gorgeous ring, and bought it. On presenting it to my mother she went into swift Yoruba, roughly translating to “Ahh, Morenike, don’t you know any better? A boy cannot give a girl a ring lest he plans on proposing to her with said ring.”

Now truth be told, this came as news to me. It’s just like any other piece of jewellery as long as both parties are sure that the relationship is platonic no? Well apparently not. Which brings me to the topic of this blogpost, the much coveted promise ring. In essence, a promise ring, as made famous by Tiffany Evan’s and Ciara, is more or less a pre-engagement ring where the guy promises not to lie, cheat, hurt and/or whatever other bad things guys sometimes do to girls. Sweet huh? I know right.

My only beef with promise rings is when the guy in question is almost certainly should not be dashing out rings to anyone **cough** Chris Brown & Karrueche **cough**

As far as I’m concerned he still has eyes for Rihanna, especially if she was truly the cause for him and Drake’s recent blow up, but let’s allow that discussion for now. Neanderthals who do it just because they think it’s ‘cool’ need not degrade the value of the promise ring. I like to think of it as one of the highest forms of flattery before marriage but there I go, romanticising everything, I really do need to get out of my head sometimes. Anwyays, as you were.

Bisous xx

The Open Relationship Paradox

Further to my previous post The Relationship Conundrum, I got to thinking about open relationships and whether the more hedonistic of my peers really are on to something. An open relationship means that you have a “special someone” who is the acclaimed love of your life but you are not exclusive in the physical aspect of your relationship. i.e. you can eff about with whoever you want and not have to explain yourself.

As much as my first instinct is always to condemn open relationships, I can’t help think but think of couples like Will & Jada and other unmentionables were I’ve seen it (sort of) work!

In the case of the Smith’s, Will said, “Our perspective is, you don’t avoid what’s natural. You’re going to be attracted to other people.” But isn’t that the entire difference between human beings and other animals of lower intellect? Yes you can be attracted to other people, there are always going to be people hotter than your boyfriend and sexier than your girlfriend but what’s wrong with the “Look but don’t touch” approach? God did not give us dominion over them so that we can stay acting like rabbits!

Don’t get me wrong I adore Will & Jada, they’re my second favourite Hollywood couple right after Jigga & Bey! But surely one must wonder, is it ever truly possible for you to completely separate the emotional and physical aspects of love and freely give one to one person and share the other half with multiple others?  Is love truly cursed by monogamy? in the famous words of Kanye West. Click here if you don't know what song I'm on about!

I don’t know, id be honest I’m a bit more traditional in my approach, I just don’t have the heart to know that the person whom I hold most dear to my heart is in some other girls bed for the weekend, sounds to me like a whole lot of pain and not much gain. Out of deference to his love for me, any individual I decide to invest my time in better be willing to allow some things, you know.

The Relationship Conundrum

So in the last few days there has been a lot of talk about weddings for some reason. My cousins cousin is getting married soon, I randomly joined my friend in the search for a suitable wedding gift (Did you know you can but TWO champagne flutes for over £100??), I was looking at engagement rings on Tiffany’s (as you do, I quite fancy the one below) etc etc.

The long and short is that weddings have been on my mind for some time now, in particular though, how long is too long for you to date whoever you decide to enter marital coupledom and bliss with?? I realise there are a couple of discrepancies with this question for instance, how are you sure that the person you’re dating now is going to end up being your one and only?  But let’s ignore all that for now shall we?

So take me for example, 20-year-old Nigerian girl, first daughter and first granddaughter in my family on both sides. Every single time we are at a family function relating to my parents or grandparents this prayer never fails to rear it’s head “May you see your children’s children’s children.” Complete with a loud and resounding “AMEEEEEN!” I realise that the prayer pertains more to good health, long life and prosperity but then you know you have those annoying cousins and aunties that come and pinch your arm like ‘You’re next!”

Sorry I went slightly of course there, so what was I saying? Yes me, a 20-something year old Nigerian girl, society expects that in the next 6-8 years I should be happily married and expecting the birth of my first child. This in itself is not a problem at all; you grow up with certain things and come to expect it for yourself as well. The problem is this, what if I meet my future husband right now and start dating him, then what? We date for 7 years before we get married??? 7 years is a LONG TIME! Especially in your twenties when you’re at the prime of your life, forget what all those newly 40 year olds talking about “Life begins at 40”, that one is mid-life crisis.

So what then is the solution? Do you acknowledge the existence of your future spouse and then set them free for 3-4 years hoping that they come back to you at 24 so that you can date for only 3 years before marriage? Because giiiiiirl, that boy might be long gone! My friend came up with a (brilliant?) solution; have an open relationship, so that both parties can do as they please! (This one get comma, but that’s for another blogpost). I guess the whole point of this post is that it led me to thinking, as a girl who had her first “boyfriend” at 14, what is the point of dating seriously and exclusively from such a young age?? Life is meant to be fun in your twenties!

P.S: I am not implying that I am against relationships oh! Neither am I supporting open relationships! All those bad bele people outside take note.

Loves ya!

Forgive or Forget?

Hey guys! So I'm sure we're all familiar with the 90's classic "The Best Man" starring Taye Diggs and the oh-so-sexy Morris Chestnut, and if you're anything like me, you've watched it more times than you care to announce to the world.For the poor poor souls who have missed out on watching this epic movie the plot is simple. Boy meets girl, cheats on her lots. As revenge, she sleeps with his best friend who is also the best man at their wedding and it all unravels through an unpublished book that the stupid best man wrote (the guy for try cool blood till after the wedding!) Anyways, this movie always brings up debate and of course the topic of debate is always "What would you do if your boyfriend/girlfriend cheated on you?" and more specifically with your best friend! *shocked face* Have you ever found your beloved entwined with someone else? Or are you the cheater who was caught? *dum dum dum* I would love to hear from you so vote below and use the comment box to share any thought and/or stories. Feel free to remain anonymous :)

What would you do if you caught your best friend and significant other together?

THE HEAD VS THE HEART

So I haven’t blogged in some time, a really long time actually.. I can’t believe we’re already in April and I haven’t even wished any readers a happy new year! (gosh time flies.) Anyways, I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m back, sadly I’m still in the institute of insanity! But just for today and maybe tomorrow and the day after, I’m here :).

Albeit randomly, tonight I started thinking about how different life would be if we always followed our heads, if everyone always did the ‘reasonable’ and ‘sensible’ thing. Do you ever wonder how different your life would be or would have been if you hadn’t made the decisions you do everyday? Like if I decided to go to university in L'boro instead of Manchester, would I still be friends with some people? Would I be closer to others? Would I have even ever met some people?

It’s always about the head versus the heart for me. No matter how many times I’ve had to make difficult decisions in my lifetime, and my friends would tell you I usually find every decision difficult (I’m working on this, I promise). I always wage an internal war with myself on the pros and cons, trying to be logical using only cold hard facts to draw conclusions and then I sit there, knowing fully well what the logical answer is but still, my mind is not at peace. The logical answer or explanation is always easier to make and in some cases it is the right decision.

What happens when it’s not though?

What happens when logic fails us and things still go haywire even though we had covered all bases?

Sometimes human beings are so tightly wound that they don’t allow their hearts to feel or don’t trust themselves enough to follow their hearts. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that the world should become a place full of hedonistic hippies just doing whatever pleases them at whatever time, no one is saying you should be a slave to your emotions, we all have brains for a reason. (Although, some people act like they have nothing but air in between their ears, but each to their own). If we trust in our hearts and in past experiences or advice from GOOD, RESPECTABLE friends then how wrong can we go? And even if we do go wrong, at least we can say we made the decision that we thought was best for us, not one based on social protocol or fear of being stigmatised.

Everyone has been there before, maybe in a dark period of our lives or even daily, completely conflicted in our minds not knowing whether to go left or right. Whenever I find myself in these situations of being completely disheartened I think of my mother, always encouraging me to pray and trust completely in the Lord. A particular scripture comes to mind, Psalm 46 vs 10 “Be still and know that I am God.” And as simple as that sentence is, it carries so much weight and I literally have to stand still and allow the world to pass me by, so that I can acknowledge that my Saviour who died for my sins is still in my presence and He is God. The right answer usually comes shortly after. We must be still, and allow God to work the miraculous wonders he has written for us.

*sigh* I think I’m back. I’ve missed this.

Lots of love and happy new year,

Morenike

Letter To My Boyfriend, Football Season

So I'm aware that this may count as 'famz' to some extent, but i honestly couldn't help myself! I read this blog post the other day on http://thetoolsman.wordpress.com/ titled "Letter To My Girlfriend About Football" and I just HAD to do a reply, here goes...

Darling,

I really appreciate you writing me this letter and getting all your feelings about the football season in the open. I just have a few concerns with this new ‘schedule’ of events. As you stated, we hardly speak during the week except the ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ & then a rushed dinner on Friday night so you can get to your boys night. Saturdays are spent mostly in traffic as we make our way to and from these events we get invited to as a couple, this usually ends in a moody me and a tired you. This is why I am deeply distraught that our Sundays, those glorious Sundays we spend in bed all day together, you reading FourFourTwo & me reading Martina Cole are now going to be taken over by more seemingly endless football banter. The last two months of peace and loads of GREAT sex would now boil down to FIFTEEN MINUTES of half time sex with your mind wandering whether Van Persie has managed to sustain yet another hamstring injury, or why Almunia our number one keeper has such butter fingers! (Notice my use of the word ‘our’? what’s yours is mine baby, even if it means being depressed for more than half the season ‘snuggles closer’). I can only pray to God Almighty that Arsenal win something this year as your mood whenever they don’t win the current match is nothing short of cold and even at times rude till Tuesday at least, Wednesday if a crucial player also happens to get injured. If I personally knew Theo Walcott I would spend days tutoring him on how to actually find the back of the net just to make you happy, I hope you know I would do anything for you sweetie pie, you mean the world to me.

As far as being a great hostess is concerned, in an effort not to embarrass you and myself, I would, in fact, buy the booze on Friday during our weekly shop, I will NOT however, spend hours in the kitchen pouring over some cookbook about how to make Southern Fried Chicken using buttermilk and cornflakes. I suggest you add to our list of grocery items some oven pizza and chips, I have no problem throwing this into the oven with all my usual TLC, I would even make little love hearts out of the ketchup to decorate your plate.

However on Sundays I suggest you familiarize yourself with the telephone numbers of various pizza, Chinese and Indian restaurants because, Sunday is now a Spa Day with my girlfriends where we will to no end bitch (for lack of a better word, don’t be offended by this boo, kiss kiss, it’s out of the deepest love I have for you) about our darling boyfriends and their football obsession. This day is mandatory! You know how much I appreciate every second we spend together but I just can’t have my girlfriends thinking you control me or I’m going to become a housewife who just cooks and cleans all day! I think this is best because you wouldn’t want me whining in your ear and distracting you from seeing the banger of a goal that Nicklas Bendtner just scored. We really need to sort out our TV to include rewind!

I hope you noticed my use of the names of Arsenal players, I’ve been on wiki all day studying so you wouldn’t be disappointed when I don’t understand what you’re talking about.. that’s just how much you mean to me. With the start of the Champions League I think we need a face-to-face discussion on who gets the TV at what time, surely you haven’t forgotten that Gossip Girl, 90210, Grey’s Anatomy, Vampire Diaries and all the other shows I watch start next month!!

*sigh* I’m so happy you wrote me the letter and I’ve now had a chance to reply you, I’m sure you would agree with everything, you have always been so understanding and caring. Thanks for being the best boyfriend ^_^

Your Sugar Puffs & Whipped Cream

There Is Nothing Like The Friend Zone

I can just see my fellow ladies now like "girl you don’t know what you’re talking about, of course there is". But let’s look at it this way. Boy, Single or Committed, Attractive enough to step outside with, so what’s the problem? Boys only get put in the friend zone for their own plain stupidity! She’s given you her number and not offered to take yours so heck you know she’s feeling you at least a little bit. But then you guys start talking and you have NO SWAG! You’re a grown ass man, how are you going to be asking, “what’s your favorite colour?” this is not year 9! Pshh friend zone. There’s nothing wrong with tryna get to know her but let’s keep it new.

Assuming you pass the initial phone/bbm test, you get to take her out somewhere and then because you’re SHY you never even tried to hold her hand? Don’t let Diana King fool you, we don’t like players but shy guys are the worst! Stop hurting your chances by being so damn scared! I'm pretty sure we don't bite *eyelashes* Girls like to feel pretty & in control. Hold that damn hand, if she rejects you at least you tried & chances are she’d be talking about you to her girlies.  (she’s thinking of you!)


Thinking that becoming ‘besties’ first would give you guaranteed access to the box. Unless you already know she’s in love with you don’t even try it. Do you really want to hear stories about all the guys chasing her? Or have to follow her shopping to pick something for her latest guy? If you like her let it show because chances are by the time you admit to liking her she’d be creeped out by it because you’re a ‘brother’ to her. (Light bulb, new blog topic!)  Obviously there are just some boys with exceptional bad luck and some girls with extraordinary will power but this is nothing that a few shots of tequila wouldn’t fix ;)‬