Lagos Nightlife: Four Shots in Likwid!

So I’ve been messing around with my blog again, I now have ew category tabs on the top so you my dears can quickly navigate to wherever you want! I did this partly because, I think but I’m not sure, I’m going to expand my blog to talk about more things; namely my New Year goals, including schoolwork, weight management/loss and hair growth! There are so many things I want to achieve and I thought “Hey! Might as well blog about it!” So yeah, in the next few months there might be more changes after I decide what I would like to share with the rest of the world. Oh and I also have a cool new signature at the end of my posts! Already making myself better, hehe. Anyways, that was just an update, bear with me as I try and perfect it!

On to the matter at hand today… Have you ever gone out clubbing and on your way out of the club, just before you got into your car heard 4 warning shots being fired into the air?? Yes, warning shots, from an actual hand held gun, FOUR of them! Friday night for me was so crazy and so eventful that I really don’t know where to begin. After hearing various stories about last weekend including girls falling into gutters while trying enter Likwid (A club in Lagos), people being put in the boot of their cars and warning shots being fired I wasn’t too keen on the whole idea of Lagos night life. I mean, as a babe! How can they push me into a gutter because I want to enter club! God forbid! Some things in life are just not worth the hassle! I mean, what do you even do when you’re in the gutter? These things are pretty deep as well and far from empty, how would you get out? How would you clean yourself up after? Or would you just get into your car with all the sewage and murkiness and go home? The thought of it literally sends shivers down my spine! Especially as I’m a bit of a germophobe!

Anyways after having a less than mediocre night at Koko concert the day before, (read all about it here) I decided I had to give the Lagos nightlife another go! So once again I got up, got dressed and headed out. First stop was Churrasco’s, as a true Lagosian, you can never go to just one place on a night out. The minimum is three, with four being about average. I think this pertains to the fact that clubbing is completely free, for girls anyways, except when the bouncers are being dicks. Back to Churrasco’s, I arrived there just after 11 (no this is not late, clubs generally don’t shut till the people all leave and this is typically around 5.30/6 a.m., we go hard!) and was greeted by a multitude of familiar faces, amongst this was fellow blogger and friend Afam! This would have been fine if I wasn’t so socially awkward sometimes (not with Afam, the other people!) I just get nervous and want to run away half the time! But as a sure babe I took it in my stride, or at least tried to! At about 1.30 it was finally time to head to the club, getting there and seeing the crowd I was already pissed off, my mood can be so volatile. But why the heck were people crowding around the gates, trampling and shoving each other like it was the pearl gates to Heaven? Nigerians really need to learn the concept of LINES! Everyone is always trying to use connections to get in, sometimes it’s like n*gga shut the hell up and wait in line! Ugh. At some point during this wait the gates were opened a little bit too wide and there was a mini stampede to get in. Sadly but also luckily, I was not amongst those that entered the gate. My friends and I decided Likwid was a bust so we moved on to our next joint. Radisson Blu.

Radisson was so much bants, another friend and fellow blogger @iTweetBanter and his posse give me so much jokes! After hassling our waiter Mr Innocent to no avail to find us suya, iTweetBanter and I just decided to drink the night away, it’s either the cocktails here contain far much more alcohol or I’m just a super duper lightweight, or both. By my third one I was positively buzzed and going around in shades at night like a real industry cat! **coolface**. After getting suitably tipsy all 10 or so of us headed back to Likwid, this time we got in hassle free (kinda) and danced the night away, one of the pros of being tipsy is that you don’t care if everyone else around you is just sitting and staring, if you like the music you still dance! Sometimes lowering your inhibitions can be the best thing! At 5 in the morning when we finally decided it was time to head on home, we called the driver to pick us up. One foot in the car and all of a sudden, four warning shots are fired by some MoPo’s (Mobile Police)! I’ve never gotten into a car and ducked my head so quickly; there is arguably nothing more sobering than gun shots! The worst part is, the driver tried to drive away!! Thinking about it now it was funny but really if anything had gone wrong it would have been a disaster! All in all, the night was actually a good one, better than most other nights anyways. But Likwid, Likwid, Likwid! Sort yourselves out before you become the backdrop of a tragic news story!

P.S: Like my Facebook Page!

Koko Concert: The Israelites Journey to the Promised Land.

So ever since I’ve been back in Lagos I haven’t really gone out, granted it's only been 4 days but the holiday is only 2 weeks long! I’ve seen lots of people yes but mainly at family events and the like so I was excited to finally be heading out on the town last night. My destination of choice, Koko Concert at Eko Atlantic. I was pretty excited to be going to Eko Atlantic, they are basically building a whole new city on reclaimed land and I think it’s a massive incentive that Nigerians should be proud of! The night started like many others, my friends and I deciding what to wear etc. After all the usual hustle all 5 of us are finally ready to roll, we hop in the car and thank Jah that we haven’t been stuck in any traffic from Ikoyi, where we live, to Victoria Island (a.k.a V.I another district in Lagos), little did we know what was waiting for us in V.I. The traffic we hit on Bar Beach road was horrendous! It can’t even be described as snail pace, it was dead locked. No going back, no moving forward! Imagine my annoyance when I saw some people reversing on the other lane to get to the venue faster. You decide if they’re stupid or smart. We decided that the traffic was too much and so we hopped out of the car and followed the masses of people all walking to this same destination. Let me point out that in Lagos it is near impossible to be late for anything! This concert was advertised to begin at 7pm. By 10 pm when I got out of my car it still hadn’t started yet.

2200 hours: We just got out of the car and started walking to the venue; hopefully we would be there in 10 minutes tops.

2210 hours: Oh yay, we are at the gate. Haha to all the suckers to boujis to get out of the car! Wait hold on, where is the place? Why can’t I see it? Oh it’s just a bit further down you say? Okay we’ve already walked this far, might as well keep going.

2220hours: Oh look! Is that Mac? Him and his friends are still in their car, maybe we should have been patient! This walk is taking a bit long!

2235 hours: Yay! Ticket check, I can hear Wizkid’s Azonto playing through the speakers! “Baby dance iyo ke ji jo” it’s boogie time! Oh… Not yet? Where the hell is this place! Why are we still walking!!

2240 hours: I’m scared, I’m cold… We are in the middle of the dessert! It’s dark! Why are we still walking?? Are they taking us to do sacrifice to appease the mami waters (mermaids)?! **flashback scenes of Jenifa part 1 come to mind** my mother would be distraught if she ever found out what we were doing right now!

2250 Finally we are getting our wristbands! I can see the VIP bleachers. Wow, I’m exhausted and thirsty!

Yes you read the right, we walked for AN HOUR to get from the car to the frikken platform, I don’t know what Dapo Oyebanjo was thinking when he allowed us to perform this Israelites journey! During this trek of life I saw all sorts, girls in their Loubs, boys in Tods and I was wondering if they had missed the memo that this concert was on a beach! That is, there is sand everywhere! I felt especially bad for the people who thought their jeeps could compete with the sand. Have you ever seen a tyre whizzing around so fast it’s causing it’s own tornado? My brothers was a Mercedes G-55 stuck in the sand on the way in and on the way back out (yes, we had to walk AGAIN!) the car was still there!! The poor owners, I wonder how they got out eventually!

The show finally started at around 2330 hours and needless to say the crowd was dead! Imagine if you were one of the few that got there on time? Or even before 10! You would have waited at least 2 hours! All in all I would say it was mediocre, there were a couple of awesome acts! My personal favourites were Godwin the violinist, DRB, Burna Boy, Iyanya, Tinie Tempah and part of Big Sean. Pusha T and co were just making unnecessary noise on the stage! Idris Elba as the MC was a complete nuisance, my n*gga was clearly drunk as a skunk! His voice even began to annoy me after some time. Seeing D’banj come on stage in his kingly robes had to be the funniest thing ever, I had such a nostalgic moment, thinking of back in the day when D’banj was the hottest shit ever, he was the best entertainer Nigeria had ever seen! Oh how the mighty have fallen, he might be moving up in the world but his fan base at home is waaay below par, everyone started leaving as soon as he came on. All I wanted to do was dance to Wizkid and Davido, but alas... they never showed up! Only in Nigeria does such happen without even so much as an apology!

There were many many more things wrong with the night, for instance how do you oversell tables of 1 million Naira (£4000/$6500) each and make some of those people have to stand! And then halfway through the night tell these same people to balance their weight because the structure on which they sit might fall! Then as if all of that wasn’t enough, Dapo now had the guts to tell the people in regular and VIP to apologise to the people in VVIP as if we hadn’t gone through our own fair share of bull! (don’t ask what VVIP stands for... I don’t know). Unfortunately, if I keep typing I run the risk of writing a novella! Hmm, maybe that’s not such a bad idea. Maybe I can call it ”The Israelites Journey to the Promised Land. NOT”

Christmas Day: 16 Year Old Boys and Kite High Girls

Hey beautiful people! A belated merry Christmas to you all!

Christmas day is definitely always one of my favourite days in the whole Christmas period, filled with family, friends, spiced meats and too much champagne! It’s definitely a day for jollification! This Christmas day was no different, the party was hosted at my cousins’ house in Lagos, and I saw family members that I haven’t seen in years and years! It’s so weird; the clan has like tripled since we last got together! People I didn’t even remember getting married were married with 2 kids! (Trust me, in a family as big as mine, it’s difficult to keep track of who is married and who is isn’t!) It was super cute meeting all my baby nieces and nephews; babies are so adorable! I love how they are so easily entertained by just about anything you put in front of them! There was even games and karaoke and the mandatory dancing that comes with celebrations. You should see my granddad breaking it down on the dance floor, it really is quite amusing.

This Christmas day was a bit weirder than some other ones I’ve experienced in the past though, I wasn’t quite sure what to make out of this 16 year old boy trying to convince me that he was 18 so that meant I was only a year older than him and therefore we should be together.. Firstly, no, I’m not 19. And secondly, I’m pretty sure he tried to feel my boobs with his head when he came for a bye-bye hug. That was strange; I was like “Hellooo, tiny person. This is very inappropriate!” But hey, it was Christmas day! If him resting his head on my bosom for half a second would have made his day any more special then well… no actually, I take that back. It was still weird!

But even weirder was my encounter with this girl! Okay so I must point out now that I don’t think ive ever seen anyone high, well except my dad's driver but he doesn't count! (May his soul rest in peace) I mean it’s not like I’m some goody two shoes that’s never been around weed but I just don’t think I’ve ever noticed it! Anyways, in comes this girl, extremely scantily clad. (May I point out now that she’s not part of the family) I think she missed the memo that it was a family affair not the strip club. I usually feel bad when I judge people but her outfit was scandalous. Some tiny shorts barely covering her barely-there bum, you know the kind that rises towards the outside to form like a V shape? And some velvety slinky low cut tank top. I will not lie, she did look good, it was just inappropriate! Anyways, I digress. After hours of watching her in amusement and giggling every time someone passed a comment about her choice of attire I had my first encounter with her in my cousins room. Here goes the conversation:

Me: Hey, have you seen Skinny Minnie? (that’s not her actual name)

Inappropriate Girl: No, she was here like twenty minutes ago.

Me (Upon noticing her eyes looking extremely bloodshot against her very yellow skin): Oh my gosh, what’s wrong? Are you okay?  **genuine concern here!*

I.G: Yea I’m fine, I haven’t seen your cousin though.

At this short response, I back out of the room and continue my search. Eventually I find Skinny Minnie and inform her of the earlier occurrence to which she replies nonchalantly. “Oh she’s high, they’ve all been going outside to get high. It's weird.”

Let it be known that “they” were not part of le familia, but still, I found it quite interesting that people were so bold as to get high in front of their parents friends… I really wish I could grow some balls and live recklessly! My stories pale in comparison to theirs! But at least now when i see someone with bloodshot eyes and no visible tears I wouldn't waste my genuine love and care on them. Especially not in this city where the ibo they smoke is fifty times more potent than in the U.K.! Nevertheless, I will not be trying any of the above! I hope the I.G. had a blast! YOLO and things! If not on Christmas Day then when? Haha.

Merry Belated Christmas again to you my lovely readers!

Glad tidings,

Morenike

P.S: Happy Birthday Skinny Minnie! I know you hate being called skinny but the nickname seemed so befitting! I love you lots and lots and lots! Hope you have an amazing day!

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In Love With Two

Hey hey hey!

I apologise for the current ever-changing state of the blog, trying to find a perfect new look for 2013 :) Please bear with me while I experiment with colour schemes, dynamics and so on until I think I love it again! Also like my Facebook Page! Anyways, moving swiftly on to today’s topic!

Can you be in love with two people at the same time? This is something that I’ve ALWAYS wondered about! Is it truly truly possible to be completely in love with two people simultaneously? For once this topic doesn’t even stem from my love for Rihanna and Chris Brown (who are apparently off again **boooooo**), it’s just something that always seems to pop up in conversations every now and then and I realised that I haven’t ever posted about it. I asked a couple of people about it and I got the usual answers about how there’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone, which I completely agree with! But this post is not about the differences between those!

People have dedicated whole songs to trying to figure out how to live when in love with two people (Usher-What’s A Man To Do) and some people have even released silly videos on the interweb which caused one of their significant others to dump their ass! (Breezaay). There’s even my favourite series at the moment; Vampire Diaries, where Elena has been in love with both Stefan and Damon separately and together, they’ve both represented different things to her, Stefan always being the safer option while Damon is the daredevil bad boy that every girl secretly wishes they could tame. And while I’m unhappy that she’s straying from the plot in my mind and trying to please all the Delena fans, it makes me wonder why no one has ever questioned whether she ever truly loved Stefan but when it happens in real life, people always jump to the conclusion of “you obviously were never in love with the first one”.

The movie Scavengers put being in love with two people in a whole new perspective. Blake Lively’s character claims to be in love with two guys who happen to be best friends, not in a destructive way to them though, they also both love her. But anyways, the way she describes it is that one of them has a softer side, he ‘makes love’ to her, he’s more passionate, more in tune with his feelings, let’s call him Water. The other is hard, he’s not as in touch with his feelings I guess and he definitely doesn’t ‘make love’ to her, her body experiences a whole new set of feelings. Obviously he’s Fire.

Throughout the movie she doesn’t show preference to any of them, she’s equally distressed when either of them are in danger, she doesn’t sleep with one more frequently, in fact they often have coitus in threes. One might argue that she isn’t in love with either of them and that what she feels for them is just lust but for arguments sake, let’s say she is actually in love with them both. She feels no form of confusion at all, she’s not conflicted in her mind on who she should love more or spend the rest of her life with. She’s just a young girl, having a blast on an island with two hot best friends. I suppose it helps that they don’t get jealous and petty over her; she’s both of theirs equally. What I’m wondering is this; is it possible for two different people to bring out two completely different sides in you but in your mind neither side is better or wrong, you love both people and both sides and can’t imagine life with only the one. And no, you do not have split personality disorder! Is it possible to have Water and Fire coexist?

I think it is, if not how on earth did Adele set fire to the rain?! I’m not trying to say I can define what being in love with two people is but I do think it’s possible! I mean why the hell not?? Who is always creating all these plenty rules that we must abide by. Sure it’s probably confusing and leads to a lot of heartbreak and a lot of pain, but if you know you can’t handle it then don’t entertain the thoughts of having two people in your life at the same time, flee from temptation! Let your heart heal before inviting someone else to fill a gaping hole that was left by your last love. If you end up living happily ever after, that’s great, if not... Well, all’s fair in love and war.

Adios!

Unrequited Love

Today has definitely established itself as a duvet day in my books, it’s 2.30 on a Sunday afternoon and I’m still in bed, I’m starving but have neither the strength nor the will to get up and make myself something to eat. I just want to lay here all day and watch episode after episode of crappy TV show. Then I started thinking about how I have exams and really want to do well and why I even chose this masters programme and wondering what plans God has for me. I can only pray I’m on the right track. Then for some reason my mind wondered to the theme of unrequited love. Random you might think but it really isn’t so random. For instance, the love I have for chemical engineering is infinite even though it constantly makes me lose sleep, get stressed out and sometimes makes me borderline depressed! I would also love to work for an international oil company so I shall keep applying until someone says YES!

Anyways my mind quickly left the thoughts of chem eng and I started thinking of unrequited love in more of the ‘usual’ sense of the phrase. Take for example this relationship. This guy Seye has pretty much been in love with some girl Tami for the better part of his university career. He openly displays his affection for her through every possible avenue, he’s always there for her in times of need, and heck to all their friends; the two are basically together. Just one little problem. They’re not. Tami likes him, she thinks he’s kind and sweet and generous but as she’s been telling him since they met, she’s just not ready for a relationship and would rather focus on school at the moment. Also, she’s not ready to be tied down to just one person at the tender age of 20. She knows that Seye likes her and exploits it to her benefit a lot of the time. Don’t get me wrong Tami is not some evil bitch queen; it’s just human nature to satisfy your own needs first. So that’s how their relationship has been for the last few years, Tami taking what she needs and sometimes giving back in return and Seye constantly giving and loving and caring. Until one day after the long summer break, he finds out that Tami has a boyfriend! Now all that talk about wanting to focus on school and not being ready can be seen for the bullshit it really was. I just didn’t want to call her out before. Naturally Seye is heartbroken and depressed and gets nicknamed lonely boy.

I don’t know how many people can actually relate to what I’m saying. It is not easy to be in a position where the person you love doesn’t love you back. Rejection in life is always difficult but what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger. The worst thing you can do after such an experience is become a bitter old hag and wallow in self-pity for the rest of your life (Think Miss Havisham from Great Expectations). Obviously this applies to much more than just personal relationships, everyone needs to know their own worth and realise that rejections are just a part of life. We all need to find our ‘selling point’ and not get overly frustrated when things don’t go our way. Yes it may hurt so deep down inside that we feel like we are breaking from the inside out but life goes on and allowing yourself to be sucked by darkness is not only unhealthy, but also life threatening. You are the only person who controls your happiness, so get up and start living! Make yourself the best possible version of you there can ever be so that when the opportunity does come your way, and it will, you are ready for it.

Anyways I kind of went of on a tangent there, which I apparently do a lot. My point is, when life throws you lemons. Make lemonade, and not the basic kind and some sugar to it! Even make it fizzy if you can! At least that’s what I’m going to be trying to do while I start my next wave of job applications! I’m getting ready to be the best version of me I’ve ever been.

Have a great week guys,

Morenike

P.S. I really should start putting these posts up on the intended day! 

Smile More!

*sigh* last time I checked it was the beginning of a new term and I was coming of age! I never understand how time flies so quickly once school starts. This last week has been particularly stressful but now that all that is over and in the hands of the Most High life can go on! Three weeks ago (seriously someone tell me, where does the time go??) I got a comment on my blog that made me want to write again I remember seeing it in passing but I read it properly a few days ago and promised myself that after my final deadline today I’d write a blog post but then the universe seemed to have alternate plans for me. You see, I’m exhausted! Three deadlines in one week is no joke! I’ve spent so much time staring at computer screens and typing that the thought of doing the same thing in the name of blogging seemed revolting! But still I persevered, I must write a blog post today!

So I thought to myself, I’d write a post on the train to Edinburgh before I see my beloved Kokiroks. Now I’m not trying to be boujis or anything but everyone who has ever been on a Virgin Train knows that no other train line can EVER match up! So here I am, already disappointed that Virgin Trains don’t go to Edinburgh, I decided to get to the station early so I can get a nice table seat with a view; I don’t know what I was thinking about with the view the nights have been getting longer and longer this part of the world. So the train arrives on the platform and whaddyaknow, it’s PACKED! Like a tin of sardines type of packed, think London Underground during rush hour, I can feel people breathing my oxygen and I just want to steal it back and tell the oxygen thieves to get their own! Have I mentioned that I’m starving? But guess what this train also doesn’t have? A food carriage! So boujis me is now super pissed!

Standing with my weekend bag, Rihanna’s new album blaring in my ears (Album review soon? Perhaps). The ticket inspector then proceeds to enter my carriage and request for all our tickets, remember how packed the train is? Ridiculous! What’s the point of having both the ticket barrier and then an inspector? KMT. As he approaches me I pause my music and off-handedly pass him the ticket to which he responds “Smile girl, you’re a star!” For some reason his words really did put me in a much better mood and whether that was his intention or not, it worked! It made me think of everything I had to be grateful for and the amazing relaxing weekend I was about to enjoy with one of my bestos. After about an hour the train has freed up and I’ve got a seat, table even! So here I am, blogging away, just like I planned!

I guess what I’m trying to say is we should all be thankful in any situation, it could almost always be worse. So thank you Kiki, Kokiroks and the Ticket Inspector for brightening up my day!

Give More, Love More, Smile More J (What wold you say if I told you the former two were common Zimbabwean names? Google it! LOL).

Love,

Morenike

P.S. Procrastination should be the 8th deadly sin.. I wrote this post over a week ago! Anyways, here are some pictures from Edinburgh, as usual I forgot my actual camera so had to make do with my iPhone 4 shitty camera! :)

Edinburgh Castle, it looks so much better in real life!

They have so many steps they even give them names.. It was quite the work out I must say!

Almost every building has this archaic/daunting/horror movie feel to it! Quite different from the bright lights of Manchester!

Definitely a scene from Harry Potter!!

Geordie Shore: The Complexities of Charlotte and Gaz

Please note that this post may contain some spoilers, nothing major though. You should still read it :)

Geordie Shore! Geordie Shore! Geordie Shore!!!!!

This show is absolutely amazing! Literally the trashiest, filthiest show I’ve ever seen but I love it! I don’t know how to describe it to you guys that haven’t been privileged enough to watch it. Everyone needs to give it a chance! The season I watched, (season 3 I believe) has the members of the shore hchlling in party central Cancun. Basically they go out every night and get wasted or “mauled” or was it “moored” I have no idea.  The guys all want to smash some ‘worldies’ i.e. girls not from the U.K. and the girls just want to have fun!

It all started one fine Autumn day, I’m chilling at a friends house, dreading the onset of university for the fourth year running so she says to me ‘Hey, let’s watch Geordie Shore, you’d love it.” And I, having previously watched the founder of new trashy TV, Jersey Shore and finding it quite mediocre wasn’t really having it. But she’s a selfless friend and so she put it on anyways. There I was, happily playing on my laptop, listening to new music doing my blog rounds etc when my ears were greeted with the sound of a thick Geordie accent saying “I sh*t myself last night, I’m going to put my knickers in the food bin because really, poo is just food that comes out your bum.” SHOCK HORROR and then fits of laughter were what followed as I gawked at the screen in disbelief! I could not believe someone just said that. From that moment I was dead and gone for the entire cast of the show!

I can imagine that a lot of you are now questioning my sense of humor and thought process but I can assure you, you need to watch it! Anyways, this post isn’t really a tribute to Geordie Shore, after al they are not paying me, but in the episode I watched today I really got to thinking about some stuff. Charlotte and Gary are my favourite couple on the show, I hate to love them but I do. Charlotte is your typical girl with a wild streak, she goes out, gets “mauled” comes home, throws up everywhere, sh*ts her pants etc. and she also has the filthiest mouth on the show. Not in a swear words type way but in the sense that she says things like “She’s fallen for him like a shit in the toilet bowl, skid marks and all.” moment of silence as you all come to terms with what you just read. but on the inside she’s also really sweet. Gary is also your typical lad, all the other boys want to be as cool as Gaz and have threesomes and pull two girls at a time. Charlotte is basically crazy in love with Gary and he knows it, they slept with each other a couple times but stopped because it was ruining their friendship. He definitely cares for her too. You can see it in the way he reacts when she’s upset or when they aren’t ‘kicking off’ a.k.a. fighting. The problem is, Gary just cant stop pulling other girls. Once there’s alcohol and scantily clad ‘worldies’ waiting to be blessed by him he just cant help himself. Charlotte always lets on like she doesn’t care if he pulls other girls seeing as they aren’t together as long as it’s not in front of her but then gets stupidly upset when anything happens or if Gary brings a girl home. THIS IS THE PROBLEM WITH GIRLS!

If you don’t like something then say it, if you’re in love with him and you know you can’t handle seeing him making out with other girls in front of you then say it. I literally can’t wrap my head around the way some girls try to be ‘like guys’ and act like they don’t care and nothing can affect them and then when the guy is being a guy you cry and bitch and moan about it. If you know you can’t handle yourself like a lady it’s always best to extract yourself from the situation. Now I know it’s never that easy and love is blind and what not but girls need to learn to control their own and take what they think they deserve. It’s so important for a girl to know her worth. For example, begging a guy to sleep with you and then trying to toss him off when he’s sleeping after he’s said NO is highly unacceptable! I’m not saying you should treat your box like a prize (which you should) but at least have some decency and RESPECT YOURSELF! Because pussy is power! Lol.

On the other hand, are some boys just hard wired not to be monogamous in any sense of the word? You know you like the girl but you just can’t commit but you just can’t imagine a world without her. It’s unfair for guys to expect a girl to act like his girlfriend when they’re unwilling to put in the work, yet some girls do it too freely. This is one of the only reasons I respect and still like Gary even though I think he’s a complete asshole. He had the decency to cut himself off from Charlotte physically. What do you think? If you were in Charlotte’s shoes would you continue pretending like you can be his friend? And can some boys just not accept the thought of having one girl? And if you were Gary, remembering that you genuinely care for Charlotte, would you try and give up all the other girls? Or is it a case of YOLO living?

Let's Play A Game

Hey beautiful people, so I've been suffering a seemingly incurable bout of writer's block but on the train last night I think I was finally cured! Wrote a short story so read and comment please! It's partly inspired by Rihanna's "Russian Roulette".

________________________________________________

She could feel the sweat dripping down her face as she slowly regained consciousness; small beads forming on her forehead and then trickling down her face slowly, like lazy raindrops on the window, eyes flitting open. “How did I get myself into this mess?” she wondered. Her head was pounding where someone had struck her. Hard. “She’s waking up boss” she heard a man say in a voice that was too high pitched to be respectable. She wanted to laugh but her breath caught in her lungs. Her chest ached. Looking down she realised had been bound hands and legs, and there was duct tape firmly around her mouth. “What should I do with the haggard thing?” the voice said again. Ashleigh tried to remember how she had gotten here in the first place, the last thing she could remember was getting into a rich guys car. He drove a Maserati and she felt lucky to be the one to service him that night

“Hey Mistuh, you need a lady friend for the night? I only charge £1000 till the morning and I can do you nine ways from Sunday,” she cooed in her southern drawl, shoving herself through the open window, cleavage first. It was well after dusk and the streets were cold. Business was slow and she would do anything to climb into this matte black car and be carried off into his swanky apartment somewhere uptown, never mind what she might have to do for the next few hours. “Really? All nine ways?” his voice was a rich deep alto and she could feel the vibrations in her ear as he spoke. “Yessir, maybe even more” she offered, snapping her gum and smiling flirtatiously, playing coy because she knew what men like this wanted. It wasn’t that she liked doing this… ‘job’, but sometimes there was simply no other way to pay the bills. She only worked the streets when she needed to, when her three year old could no longer eat broth consisting mainly of water and cried for some meat or bread, sadly this was becoming more and more frequent, she even had a couple of regulars. “Well hop in then, but I’m only giving you £300 no more.” He said with a smile “That’s still higher than some f*ckers offer so I’m in.” she thought as she clambered into the car, feeling the cold leather seats on her thighs.

Now the same alto voice was saying “Leave her for now, wake them all up first.” For the first time Ashleigh realised there were other people around her. Girls dressed almost exactly like her; scantily clad, some stripped down to their underwear, obviously ladies of the night. She saw the guy with the high-pitched voice, he was stout and dressed like an undertaker, even including the hat. He went around the room brutally kicking and slapping all the girls until they were all on their feet. There were about 8 of them, all tied up with lips that had been sealed. “Now, now Caleb, don’t be so harsh, they have enough punishment waiting for them.” The alto voice said, reverberating through the room.

Ashleigh wondered where they were, all she could make out was that it was unfinished and the concrete on the floor grazed her bare legs constantly, there were also a few sparsely spaced windows. It must be a warehouse of some sort. The voice sounded even closer than it was before as it spoke. He was standing in front of one of the girls. “So tell me your name sweetheart” the hooker stood shaking before him speechless. “Very well then, let me explain the rules of my little game to you.” Emerging completely out of the darkness to reveal his 6 foot 5 frame, with a wry grin he said. “It is my job as a bearer of the light, to rid the world of all things sinful and all things immoral and you my dear, all of you,” he says looking intently at each one of them “are both sinful and immoral” Ashleigh watched as he ran a finger carelessly down the hookers face and stopped right at the end of her breastbone, in between her breasts. “Because of your undignified means of living, I have chosen you to play this little game with me, oh don’t cry darling, it might all be quite alright in the end.” He smiles slightly as he watches the hooker shake with fear, then he jab her forcefully in the chest with two fingers. The girl doubles over and falls, completely out of breath. “You simply must choose between 2 options. Caleb, show them the games rooms.” With that the lights went off again and there was an image cast on the wall directly in front of them. From what she could make out, there was a table with a gun on it.  She could hear the baritone voice explaining the rules of the game, and the game was Roulette. There was only one cartridge in the gun. Anyone who managed to survive would be allowed to leave and everyone else… could finally meet her maker. The only catch was a pack of rabid dogs just through another door, waiting to devour anyone who took more than two minutes to pull the trigger. Ashleigh felt sick to her stomach; this job cannot be the reason for her being here right now.

She closed her eyes and began to remember all the decisions that had brought her to this place. Dating Chris, the neighbourhood bad boy even when her father told her not too. Falling out with her mother after she failed to side with her. Isolating herself from all her siblings as she claimed they had all never been in love before. Her decision to move out of her parents house at the age of 17 and live with Chris instead. Loosing her inhibitions one night and indulging fully in his pleasures. Staying with him even after he beat her continuously. Getting pregnant and dropping out of school to have his baby. Chris eventually kicking her and her baby out of the house no matter how she pleaded. Meeting a woman who got her started in the ‘business’, getting her her very first client. Wondering to a perfect world in her mind while different men constantly filled her womanhood; old, young, poor, rarely rich. Nothing good had come out of this and all Ashleigh could think of was her baby girl, sleeping in the dingy apartment. She could only hope someone would save her.

All of a sudden there was a loud bang and then a thump on the floor as the first girl’s body went down. She saw Caleb drag the lifeless body out of the room “Feed her to the dogs” the alto voice said. “Yes boss” answered Caleb. Shivering convulsively and crying at the sight she shut her eyes tight again and thought of her perfect world. Another bang and another thud. Dreams of bright summer days and white Christmases were interrupted by a hand placed firmly on her shoulder. “You’re next” She looked at him with all the light left in her soul and pleaded with her eyes for him to let her go. Her deep brown eyes swam in tears waiting to fall at the bat of an eyelid, but all she was met with were cold black eyes, devoid of any emotions. Caleb grabbed her roughly and she wriggled and thrashed about trying desperately to be freed. Four slaps in rapid succession met her cheek, life had dealt her a heavy blow. Now locked in the room she stares at the revolver, her only escape. Picking up the cold lifeless gun like the eyes she had just seen her hands begin to shake. She stares into the barrel and realises they look exactly like the eyes she has just seen. Her knees buckle and she sinks slowly to the ground. “Only 1 more minute before my puppies come in to play.” says the voice through the speakers. “There are some truly sick people in this world” she thought as she spins the cylinder. “Better to take your chance with the gun than the dogs.”

“30 seconds”

Clicking the cylinder into place, she wills her hand and her heart to be still.

“20 seconds”

She raises her eyes to heaven and says a silent prayer to anyone who might be listening.

“10 seconds”

She lifts the gun slowly to her temple and feels it ice cold on her skin.

“9... 8… 7… 6…”

Slowly and deliberately she squeezes the trigger.

Red Skies

One of my more recent poems, would really appreciate some feedback so leave some comments please! :) 

Red skies at night, sailors delight;

Thoughts of azure mornings,

Stretching for thousands of miles.

In his eyes I see love, desire and pleasure

Sure as the days promised light,

Nothing can spoil this,

In him, is the rest of me.

Red skies in the morning, sailors warning;

Clouds, dark and roaring take over the skies.

What has become of my lovers tongue?

Should he spew venom alone?

Of lust, anger and debauchery?

Whatever happened to his warm eyes?

I do not recognize him.

Tonight my sky is starless,

Charcoal as the demon,

That painted it so.

My heart is restless,

It beats an unsteady rhythm like the lips of my lover;

One moment cursing,

And the other caressing.

Oh how I long for the dusk to come,

Where I shall reunite with my scarlet knight.

Staying Single: Part 10- The Finale II

Previous Posts

Part1: I Will Be Single! Will I?

Part2: Poor little Sola Boy

Part3: Return of the Mac or umm, the Ex?

Part4: Pure Carnal Lust

Part5: All Hail the Queen of Awkward Moments

Part 5.5: A Suitor, A Disciple & A Sola

Part 6: Cut Your Cloth

Part 7: The Number One Suitor

Part 8: In Love With S

Part 9: The Finale I

_______________________________________________

Woman: Gyal ima need you to get outta hya. I can’ hev you stinkin’ up d pliayce, get a cab and go ‘ome hunny.

Embarrassed and still feeling sick, Kemi lumbered out of the ladies and through the masses of people till she got outside. She called Remy.

Remy: Giiiirl, what’s up?

Kemi: **sobbing** Hey, I think I messed up

Remy: Kemi are you crying? What’s wrong? Where are you?

Kemi: **spluttering** I’m walking down King’s Road, looking for a taxi.

Remy: No, go back to the club, just wait outside, I’m coming to meet you there right now okay? Kemi did you hear me? It’s not safe to walk about by yourself.

Kemi: Okay.

Her chest ached, her tongue was parched and there were trails of black mascara winding all the way down her face, she looked like an evil clown. Walking back towards the club she hears her name being called but decides to ignore it, she can’t have anyone see her like this. Maybe I should go back into the bathroom at the club till Remy gets here. But the voice just grows louder and she can hear footsteps quickening behind her. Someone grabs her arm and she jumps, trying to shake free. Through her misty, tear filled eyes she sees none other than the Ex, staring down at her face in confusion.

Oh gosh, I’m really not in the mood for this boy to come and rub things in my face. Can this night get any worse??

But surprisingly, seeing her tearful face and dishevelled hair the Ex feels nothing but compassion for her.

The Ex: Kemi what’s wrong with you? I saw you walking up the road; I was just on my way out.

What is wrong with me is you, you’re the one who broke up with me and left me feeling foolish and vulnerable and now I don’t know how to be happy with any other person because I’m still so messed up from you!

Holding her hand the Ex looks at her again

The Ex: Kemi talk to me. Or at least let me get you home.

Kemi: It’s okay; Remy is on her way to get me now. She’s coming with Jide.

The Ex: But Remy lives all the way at London Bridge, it would take them forever to get here. Call her now, tell her to just go to your house, I’d drop you there.

Kemi had forgotten how far away Remy was and seeing no other options but to stand here and awkwardly talk to the Ex while she waited, she decided to allow the Ex to take her home.

In the taxi

The Ex, genuinely concerned about her well being asked, “So are you going to tell me what happened?” Looking him straight in the eye as if to imply that all of this was his fault Kemi replies “I’m just confused, I keep messing up when it comes to guys, picking the wrong ones and letting the good ones get away. “ The Ex slightly uncomfortable at being put on the spot shifted about awkwardly. “Kemi you just have to know what you want and go for it. You always take the long way round things. I’m guessing things aren’t so great with the Suitor?” Kemi, taken aback by the truth in his words and the tenderness in his voice began to sob again.

The Ex: Kemi please don’t cry. It makes me uncomfortable when girls cry; I never know what to do.

And with that he puts his arm around her shoulders and allows her to cry into his chest, deep heavy sobs that eventually subside into whimpers, all the while trying to comfort her. Her phone rings;

The Ex: Hey, it’s Remy; did you forget to tell her I was taking you home?

Kemi hastily picks up her phone and explains the situation to Remy.

Remy: Don’t do anything stupid oh, you can’t let him take advantage of you in any way, I wish you had told me, I’m almost there now.

Kemi: He’s being way to nice to even dream of taking advantage. This is The Ex I fell for, the one I used to love. Don’t worry I’m fine.

Remy: I’m coming straight to yours now.

Kemi: Okay, see you soon.

They reach her house and Kemi and The Ex go into her apartment together so that the Ex can make sure she’s fully settled and take care of her before Remy takes over. Kemi remained inconsolable, fresh waves of tears taking over as soon as the old ones dried, try as he might The Ex could not console her or make her laugh. Her phone rang again.

The Ex: Oh Sola is calling you. Here.

Kemi stared at her phone blankly until it stopped ringing, it started ringing again and still she let it ring. She could feel the Ex looking at her confusedly, he had no idea what had just transpired between her and Sola. Even though she had no idea what Sola was calling to say, regret and injured pride would not allow her to pick up the phone and have him either shatter her dreams or elate her from this self-pity. She turned off her phone. Remy would ring the buzzer when she gets here.

Kemi: Sola is the last person I want to speak to right now.

She sits next to him on the sofa and allows herself to be comforted by her ex again. The boy who had hurt her so many times before now became her friend in this time of need. Looking up into his dark eyes, she felt reassured that tomorrow would be a better day still. And they kissed.

The End.

Staying Single Part 9: The Finale I

I have slight OCD and I just couldn't bear to have the series end on an odd number so I've split this last post into two. It also makes for easier reading I'm told :)

If you haven't been reading this from the beginning then don't ruin the ending for yourself, start from the very beginning. A very good place to start!

Part1: I Will Be Single! Will I?
Part2: Poor little Sola Boy
Part3: Return of the Mac or umm, the Ex?
Part4: Pure Carnal Lust
Part5: All Hail the Queen of Awkward Moments
Part 5.5: A Suitor, A Disciple & A Sola
Part 6: Cut Your Cloth
Part 7: The Number One Suitor
Part 8: In Love With S
_________________________________________________________

The Suitor sits in shock and Kemi sees in his eyes for a fleeting second all the hurt he tries to push down.

Suitor: I don’t understand. You told me you guys barely even speak anymore.

Kemi: We don’t, I don’t know, it’s just really complicated.

Suitor **visibly angry**: So how can you possibly be in love with him when you’ve spent the last 2 months with me?

Kemi has nothing to say and she is starting to regret this plan, she should have at least waited till they were out of the club, at his place or hers. Now this is going to turn into another of her world famous scenes.

Suitor: Oh so now you can’t speak? Kemi I need an explanation.

Kemi **lowering her head**: I don’t know what to say; I don’t know how this happened. I didn’t think you were taking us that seriously.

Suitor: So you think that me seeing you every other day, taking you out and spending money on you is just me being casual? **raising his voice** there’s nothing casual about that Kemi and you know it!

Kemi: Please stop shouting, can we just go. Lets go somewhere quiet and talk about this.

Suitor: Kemi please, don’t piss me off. There’s nothing to talk about, you’re just a stupid slag who uses people. I can’t believe I fell for you. You're a f*cking b*tch.

As he said those words, the music quietened down, one of those dips between one song and the next where you find that the voice you were speaking in was way too loud. The Suitor’s words had caught everyone’s attention and he got up and stormed out of the bar leaving Kemi sitting alone awkwardly. Glancing around and not seeing any friendly faces she got up and went hurriedly to the ladies. Seeing as I’ve already ruined things with The Suitor I might as well call Sola and tell him everything

The phone rung five times before Sola eventually picked up and with every ring Kemi was regretting her decision to call him, what exactly was she going to say? She hadn’t even given it a second thought before deciding to act so irrationally.

Sola: How far?

Kemi: **rambling on** Hey Sola, I know that you might think this is random and wonder why I’m deciding to just do it now, but I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I don’t know if there would ever be a right time to say it and everything is just so confusing in my head right now and I don’t know if I’m even doing the right thing because I know Nkechi is my friend and I’m being a terrible friend by doing this but I don’t think I can stand for you to not know any longer and..

Sola: Wait, slow down. What are you trying to say? I can’t even hear you properly.

Kemi: I’m trying to say that I love you, that I’m in love with you and I’m sorry it took me so long to realise.

There was a long silence on the phone after Kemi’s confession and for the first time she thought of the off chance that Sola really had moved on and didn’t care about her deeply anymore.

Wow, what have I done now? I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. Why do I always mess everything up with boys that genuinely care about me and treat me right? And then I end up acting a fool for the likes of the Ex. Kemi you need to get your act together.

Sola: Babe, let me call you back. Nkechi is waiting.

And with that he hung up. Kemi was left staring at her phone as it beeped the end of the conversation. She wasn’t sure if what had just transpired was real or if she was hallucinating. It was one of those out of body experiences for sure. The woman in the ladies was staring at Kemi who was staring at her reflection in the mirror.

Woman: You araiy gyal?

Kemi shook her head and the tears started flowing as she thought of the possibility of losing both Sola and the Suitor. Something that had never occurred to her before. She felt all the shame, regret and confusion rise from deep inside her belly, climbing gradually till it reached her throat and then she leaned over the sink and retched multiple times.

Staying Single: Part 8- In Love with S

Part1: I Will Be Single! Will I?

Part2: Poor little Sola Boy

Part3: Return of the Mac or umm, the Ex?

Part4: Pure Carnal Lust

Part5: All Hail the Queen of Awkward Moments

Part 5.5: A Suitor, A Disciple & A Sola

Part 6: Cut Your Cloth

Part 7: The Number One Suitor

After the party is over and everyone has gone home, The Girls were all in Stephanie’s room talking about the gist from the night. Of all the not-so-shocking revelations such as Remy spending the whole time glued to Jide, the most shocking was the following:

Remy: So guys, everyone has casted themselves except Nkechi, are we really going to let this slide?

Steph: That’s true oh, where were you? You were ghost through almost the whole thing.

Nkechi: Hmm, you guys need to stop asking too many questions, I told you I was busy.

Remy: Busy doing what? Girl, it’s either you tell or you sleep in the corridor tonight! **laughing**

Kemi: I agree oh, spill the beans

Nkechi: Well if you must know I was just getting to know a certain Sholly-boy better.

Steph: Hahaha, you were with Sola?!

Kemi: Wait, which Sola? Sola Akinlaja??

Nkechi: Ahh, yes now. Which other Sola! And I must say, he knows how to get down if you know what I mean **laughs**

Remy: You you’re just a hooker, I’m tired please I’m going to sleep.

Kemi: Hmmm, Sola.

Steph: Ah babe what’s your issue?

Kemi: Oh nothing, it’s just funny that’s all.

Nkechi: I mean to be honest I don’t like the guy; he’s a bit young for me. He’s cute though! I know you guys are bestos but you’re cool right?

Steph: Of course she’s cool! After the story she was just telling us about the Suitor!

Kemi: Yea exactly, I don’t like him or anything.

Remy: **coughs suspiciously** Goodnight guys.

After the lights went off and everyone was trying sleeping, Kemi lay awake thinking about Nkechi and Sola’s rendezvous, was it possible that Sola liked Nkechi? Because she knew Nkechi definitely didn’t like Sola, and if he did then why her? And how far had they gone? And again why Nkechi? Lost in her thoughts Kemi admitted to herself that the fact that the girl was Nkechi wasn’t what bothered her, it was the fact that Sola was getting with people in the first place.

Why shouldn’t he be allowed to get with other people? So what he was saying to me all that time about liking me was just bull? Sola can’t be with anyone else, that’s not fair. The jealousy in her gut was unshakeable, even as she tried to daydream of her episode with the Suitor; she kept replacing his face with Sola’s. Do I actually like this boy or am I just upset he doesn’t like me anymore? After many hours of deliberation through the night, Kemi decides that she in fact does like Sola but now that he’s trying to get close to Nkechi what is she supposed to do?

But what about the Suitor? Well he’s leaving soon so it doesn’t really matter! Once he’s gone, she can work on Sola again, she can’t directly make him fall for her; she has to do it carefully, and with this resolved in her mind, she falls asleep.

15 days later

The weeks that had passed involved Kemi seeing the Suitor as many times as she liked, they had gotten physical a few times but nothing beyond the first time. She also met up with Sola at their usual spot in Café Rouge and he confessed to having “slight feelings but nothing serious” for Nkechi. Kemi had also told Remy about her feelings for Sola.

Remy: You don’t like him, you’re just plain jealous that he’s moving on. Don’t go and do anything irrational! Nkechi is your friend!

Kemi: But she doesn’t even like him, she said so herself!

Remy: I just think you’re being selfish. This is exactly what the Ex does to you whenever you start liking someone else and it’s not nice.

Kemi: Okay fine, whatever.

But Kemi wasn’t convinced, she was sure she liked Sola, no one understood her that’s all, she would prove to everyone that they are meant to be together. The perfect opportunity finally presented itself in the form of a Tuesday night at Juju Bar, none of the Girls were there, Steph and Nkechi who had another friend’s birthday party and Remy was being a boring housewife with Jide. The music was good and the drinks were flowing. Kemi didn’t mind though, there would be quite a few friends there. Seeing Sola seated by himself in the corner, Kemi positioned herself to make sure he gets a good view and begins to gyrate in a most seductive way to the voice of some dancehall artist, she can feel Sola’s eyes on her back as she moves. The Suitor, seeing his girl dancing by herself makes his way across the dance floor and grabs her waist. Kemi slows the dancing pace and eventually stops.

Suitor: Oh, why you doing this to me?

Kemi: **looking bored** my feet hurt, these shoes are kind of tight.

Suitor: Her feet are killing her I call it her shoe-icide. Let’s go and sit for a bit.

Kemi: **glancing over at Sola she realises she has lost his interest completely,** Why did this Suitor boy have to show up at the wrongest time! Now Sola is never going to take me seriously. slightly annoyed she turns to the Suitor, she needs to get Sola’s attention again, but not right now**

PAUSE

Now I must interrupt this story here, to let you, the readers, know that Kemi is not a bad person, neither is she a slag, well not really. She does actually like the Suitor but remember he was always a short-term solution. She’s just a vain, naïve girl who wants attention and to be loved.

CONTINUE

Suitor: So I’ve been thinking of something, I want you to be my girlfriend

Kemi: Wait what? How did we get here?? But you’re all the way in America, it would never work

Suitor: I know myself; I don’t need anyone else right now. Just say you’d try at least.

Kemi: **in a small voice** I can’t.

Suitor: Why not? I thought we had something good going?

Kemi: I really like you, don’t get me wrong. But I’m in love with Sola.