Showing posts with label the Ex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the Ex. Show all posts

Sunday, 2 September 2012

Staying Single: Part 10- The Finale II

Previous Posts
_______________________________________________
Woman: Gyal ima need you to get outta hya. I can’ hev you stinkin’ up d pliayce, get a cab and go ‘ome hunny.

Embarrassed and still feeling sick, Kemi lumbered out of the ladies and through the masses of people till she got outside. She called Remy.

Remy: Giiiirl, what’s up?

Kemi: **sobbing** Hey, I think I messed up

Remy: Kemi are you crying? What’s wrong? Where are you?

Kemi: **spluttering** I’m walking down King’s Road, looking for a taxi.

Remy: No, go back to the club, just wait outside, I’m coming to meet you there right now okay? Kemi did you hear me? It’s not safe to walk about by yourself.

Kemi: Okay.

Her chest ached, her tongue was parched and there were trails of black mascara winding all the way down her face, she looked like an evil clown. Walking back towards the club she hears her name being called but decides to ignore it, she can’t have anyone see her like this. Maybe I should go back into the bathroom at the club till Remy gets here. But the voice just grows louder and she can hear footsteps quickening behind her. Someone grabs her arm and she jumps, trying to shake free. Through her misty, tear filled eyes she sees none other than the Ex, staring down at her face in confusion.

Oh gosh, I’m really not in the mood for this boy to come and rub things in my face. Can this night get any worse??

But surprisingly, seeing her tearful face and dishevelled hair the Ex feels nothing but compassion for her.

The Ex: Kemi what’s wrong with you? I saw you walking up the road; I was just on my way out.

What is wrong with me is you, you’re the one who broke up with me and left me feeling foolish and vulnerable and now I don’t know how to be happy with any other person because I’m still so messed up from you!

Holding her hand the Ex looks at her again

The Ex: Kemi talk to me. Or at least let me get you home.

Kemi: It’s okay; Remy is on her way to get me now. She’s coming with Jide.

The Ex: But Remy lives all the way at London Bridge, it would take them forever to get here. Call her now, tell her to just go to your house, I’d drop you there.

Kemi had forgotten how far away Remy was and seeing no other options but to stand here and awkwardly talk to the Ex while she waited, she decided to allow the Ex to take her home.

In the taxi

The Ex, genuinely concerned about her well being asked, “So are you going to tell me what happened?” Looking him straight in the eye as if to imply that all of this was his fault Kemi replies “I’m just confused, I keep messing up when it comes to guys, picking the wrong ones and letting the good ones get away. “ The Ex slightly uncomfortable at being put on the spot shifted about awkwardly. “Kemi you just have to know what you want and go for it. You always take the long way round things. I’m guessing things aren’t so great with the Suitor?” Kemi, taken aback by the truth in his words and the tenderness in his voice began to sob again.

The Ex: Kemi please don’t cry. It makes me uncomfortable when girls cry; I never know what to do.

And with that he puts his arm around her shoulders and allows her to cry into his chest, deep heavy sobs that eventually subside into whimpers, all the while trying to comfort her. Her phone rings;

The Ex: Hey, it’s Remy; did you forget to tell her I was taking you home?

Kemi hastily picks up her phone and explains the situation to Remy.

Remy: Don’t do anything stupid oh, you can’t let him take advantage of you in any way, I wish you had told me, I’m almost there now.

Kemi: He’s being way to nice to even dream of taking advantage. This is The Ex I fell for, the one I used to love. Don’t worry I’m fine.

Remy: I’m coming straight to yours now.

Kemi: Okay, see you soon.

They reach her house and Kemi and The Ex go into her apartment together so that the Ex can make sure she’s fully settled and take care of her before Remy takes over. Kemi remained inconsolable, fresh waves of tears taking over as soon as the old ones dried, try as he might The Ex could not console her or make her laugh. Her phone rang again.

The Ex: Oh Sola is calling you. Here.

Kemi stared at her phone blankly until it stopped ringing, it started ringing again and still she let it ring. She could feel the Ex looking at her confusedly, he had no idea what had just transpired between her and Sola. Even though she had no idea what Sola was calling to say, regret and injured pride would not allow her to pick up the phone and have him either shatter her dreams or elate her from this self-pity. She turned off her phone. Remy would ring the buzzer when she gets here.

Kemi: Sola is the last person I want to speak to right now.

She sits next to him on the sofa and allows herself to be comforted by her ex again. The boy who had hurt her so many times before now became her friend in this time of need. Looking up into his dark eyes, she felt reassured that tomorrow would be a better day still. And they kissed.

The End.

Staying Single Part 9: The Finale I

I have slight OCD and I just couldn't bear to have the series end on an odd number so I've split this last post into two. It also makes for easier reading I'm told :)

If you haven't been reading this from the beginning then don't ruin the ending for yourself, start from the very beginning. A very good place to start!

Part1: I Will Be Single! Will I?
Part2: Poor little Sola Boy
Part3: Return of the Mac or umm, the Ex?
Part4: Pure Carnal Lust
Part5: All Hail the Queen of Awkward Moments
Part 5.5: A Suitor, A Disciple & A Sola
Part 6: Cut Your Cloth
Part 7: The Number One Suitor
Part 8: In Love With S
_________________________________________________________

The Suitor sits in shock and Kemi sees in his eyes for a fleeting second all the hurt he tries to push down.

Suitor: I don’t understand. You told me you guys barely even speak anymore.

Kemi: We don’t, I don’t know, it’s just really complicated.

Suitor **visibly angry**: So how can you possibly be in love with him when you’ve spent the last 2 months with me?

Kemi has nothing to say and she is starting to regret this plan, she should have at least waited till they were out of the club, at his place or hers. Now this is going to turn into another of her world famous scenes.

Suitor: Oh so now you can’t speak? Kemi I need an explanation.

Kemi **lowering her head**: I don’t know what to say; I don’t know how this happened. I didn’t think you were taking us that seriously.

Suitor: So you think that me seeing you every other day, taking you out and spending money on you is just me being casual? **raising his voice** there’s nothing casual about that Kemi and you know it!

Kemi: Please stop shouting, can we just go. Lets go somewhere quiet and talk about this.

Suitor: Kemi please, don’t piss me off. There’s nothing to talk about, you’re just a stupid slag who uses people. I can’t believe I fell for you. You're a f*cking b*tch.

As he said those words, the music quietened down, one of those dips between one song and the next where you find that the voice you were speaking in was way too loud. The Suitor’s words had caught everyone’s attention and he got up and stormed out of the bar leaving Kemi sitting alone awkwardly. Glancing around and not seeing any friendly faces she got up and went hurriedly to the ladies. Seeing as I’ve already ruined things with The Suitor I might as well call Sola and tell him everything

The phone rung five times before Sola eventually picked up and with every ring Kemi was regretting her decision to call him, what exactly was she going to say? She hadn’t even given it a second thought before deciding to act so irrationally.

Sola: How far?

Kemi: **rambling on** Hey Sola, I know that you might think this is random and wonder why I’m deciding to just do it now, but I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I don’t know if there would ever be a right time to say it and everything is just so confusing in my head right now and I don’t know if I’m even doing the right thing because I know Nkechi is my friend and I’m being a terrible friend by doing this but I don’t think I can stand for you to not know any longer and..

Sola: Wait, slow down. What are you trying to say? I can’t even hear you properly.

Kemi: I’m trying to say that I love you, that I’m in love with you and I’m sorry it took me so long to realise.

There was a long silence on the phone after Kemi’s confession and for the first time she thought of the off chance that Sola really had moved on and didn’t care about her deeply anymore.

Wow, what have I done now? I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. Why do I always mess everything up with boys that genuinely care about me and treat me right? And then I end up acting a fool for the likes of the Ex. Kemi you need to get your act together.

Sola: Babe, let me call you back. Nkechi is waiting.

And with that he hung up. Kemi was left staring at her phone as it beeped the end of the conversation. She wasn’t sure if what had just transpired was real or if she was hallucinating. It was one of those out of body experiences for sure. The woman in the ladies was staring at Kemi who was staring at her reflection in the mirror.

Woman: You araiy gyal?

Kemi shook her head and the tears started flowing as she thought of the possibility of losing both Sola and the Suitor. Something that had never occurred to her before. She felt all the shame, regret and confusion rise from deep inside her belly, climbing gradually till it reached her throat and then she leaned over the sink and retched multiple times.

Monday, 13 August 2012

Staying Single: Part 5- All Hail the Queen of Awkward Moments



Previous Parts

As soon as she got back to Remy’s place from the crazy night out, Kemi took to Facebook stalking Jide and all 1,009 of his friends in an attempt to find her mystery man. It took a while but it will all be worth it. 2 hours and 300 odd friends later, she had found him and added him. It took two whole weeks for her mystery man, whom we shall call “The Overseas Suitor”, henceforth known as The Suitor to finally acknowledge her friend request and accept her. It turned out that The Suitor is cousins with Jide and has just finished university at CalTech and is now on holiday in London for the next 2 months. All this was learnt from intense Facebook stalking. She could see her summer unfolding before her; finally summer p had come her way! Cha-ching! It wasn’t as if she didn’t have any other suitors on the horizon, oh there were many infact!

“The Prince” some East African guy she met on her course who was always happy to take her out to exclusive places in London and abroad. His father worked for the government so needless to say, he had too much money at his disposal. “The Disciple” who was always at her beck and call, this boy would buy her tampons and femfresh if she asked. He’s been trying to get out of the friend zone for months now with no avail and last but not least; darling Sola who had been there for her in her moment of weakness. But with The Suitor she could have a proper summer fling, guaranteed to end after the sun is gone and with no strings attached too and for that, he was her favourite!

Tuesday Morning, it’s barely 1 p.m. Far too early to be awake, what is summer for? Through sleepy eyes she reaches for her phone to see what the day might bring her. 11 messages from various friends and 2 missed calls from the madre.

Message 1, Group chat with Remy and 4 others, known collectively as “The Girls”: Wake up fooool, we were meant to work out today, I’m going without you! Gym ke?? Please do me the favour and go

Message 2, Prince: Baby, I’m so sorry need to cancel our date for tonight, doing some stuff for my dad. This boy sef, always double booking babes, stuff for your dad my ass.

Message 3, The Disciple: Hey beautiful, hope you slept well, you fell asleep last night while we were talking. Let’s meet up today. Hmmm, interesting proposal, I might as well now that Prince has cancelled on me.

So she replied,
To Remy and co: Yea, go without me, I don’t feel too great this morning plus it’s the scary spin class tranny there today.

To Prince: Hmmm, shame you don’t get to see me in the dress I had chosen :P

To Disciple: Sure why not, Amaranto at 8.30/9?

She would read and reply the rest later on.

Later on that evening, Kemi and The Disciple are having a blast at Amaranto, he keeps buying her cocktails to ‘try’ in an attempt to get her buzzed, and buzzed she is, they’re having a great time together. Sadly this episode has little to do with the Disciple but more to do with what happened in the next few minutes. Kemi, feeling a little flushed, decides to go to the ladies room for a couple of seconds, on her way there she hears the sound of all too familiar laughter, looking behind her slyly through her veil of 24-inch Brazilian hair, she sees them. A group of 6 or 7 guys, including Jide, The Ex, AND THE SUITOR. Okay girl, you can do it, just keep walking, head down, pretend you never saw them.

The Ex: Yo, Kemi!

Damn! Spotted, now what?

Kemi: Hi, how are you?

The Ex, clearly more than a little tipsy: I’m great! Life is so great! I’ve never been better!

The Suitor: I’m sure she gets the point. Oh if ever a voice speaketh directly unto mine heart! His Nigerian accent peppered with American flavour came out so richly! Rich like the darkest chocolate! Nice to finally meet you Kemi, I’ve heard so much about you. **Arms outstretched for a hug**

It took her a full 3 seconds, which is super long, to realise that she was being spoken to. Great, now it’s already awkward.

Kemi: Pleasure to meet you Suitor. Really? Good things only I hope. ** Bats eyelashes coyly and leans in to the hug**

Or at least that should have been her response! Instead what came out was more like this as she hurried off in the direction of the bathroom:

Kemi: Uh, oh. Okay. Nice to meet you too.  **does awkward hug/handshake disaster and eventually just waves and moves away hastily**

Somebody kill me NOW!

Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Staying Single: Part 4- Pure Carnal Lust


Staying Single

___________________________________________________

For the life of her Kemi could not understand why this slut was making noise in her ears and trying to release the titans. SHE is the one that stole The Ex in the first place so what is this entire racket about??

The Slut: You better get your hands of my man.
                                    To the Ex: You haven’t told her have you??
                                    Back to Kemi: That’s right, he’s my boyfriend so back the hell off.

Kemi: Well it’s just like you to go for sloppy seconds anyways, have him! Do I look like I care?

The Ex: **trying to make a group hug** Ladies, ladies, there’s enough of me to go around. No need for fighting

Kemi: Please get your hands off me right now!

If looks could kill then the Ex would surely be dead by now, with the bullets piercing his skull from Kemi’s eyes, combined with the arrows of fire from the Slut. He would have surely met his Maker by now. By this time, everyone at the party was looking around at them, trying to understand what was going on through their purple haze. “Great, now my gist is going to be everywhere,” thought Kemi but as embarrassed as she was she couldn’t help but laugh.

Kemi: Once a cheat always a cheat. Get out of my face.

She had had enough of the lying scumbag anyways, forget the electrifying kisses and the raging butterflies, it was actually time to move on with life. If he actually made that girl his number one then I can’t do it, I can’t! Why do I keep deluding myself that this boy cares about me, I need to stop this foolish behaviour Maintaining her dignity and leaving The Slut waving her arms in the air like the crazy person she is, Kemi pushes her way past the crowd and out to the balcony for some fresh air. Where the hell is Remy anyways?? But she’s not sure she even wants to find out.

Once again standing by herself, Kemi is lost in thought Gosh, I can’t believe I actually kissed him! It’s been so long, I really love him. Get yourself together girl, kissing the same untransformed frog, he’s clearly not your prince. Or maybe he just needs time to grow. No no stop it.Enough is enough, I’m sure there are other fine boys at this ‘party’ even! And this was how she waged war with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, forever in two minds about the Ex. She notices the time; it’s 3:30 a.m. Kemi thinks it’s as good a time as any to call it a night and find Remy so they can go home. Entering the stuffy flat again she’s trying to squeeze past the people strewn everywhere in various states of bliss. Then she feels some eyes on her exposed back. It better not be that foolish boy wanting to come and talk to me again. She turns around slowly, allowing whoever is staring so intensely to have a full 360 of her outfit Hey! A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do! That’s when she catches his eye and they share “the look”.

“The look” is what happens when a boy and a girl find each other drawn together by mutual attraction. It lasts for all of about 5 seconds but speaks volumes. Let me attempt to describe it to you. When a girl is in a club and she sees a guy she doesn’t like trying to give her “the look” from across the room she simply smiles and averts her eyes. This usually takes a split second. But when it happens with a guy she’s feeling she holds his gaze for about three seconds, looks him up and down and does something playful/flirty like ever so slightly bite her lower lip or play with her hair before SLOWLY releasing her gaze. The guy holds the gaze, more or less undresses the girl with his eyes and depending on what sort of bad guy he is gives a small smile or a nod in approval for what he sees. It is like an animalistic ritual between the two, the desire to pounce overcoming all other social standings; they could care less if anyone else saw them exchanging this gaze of purely carnal love. It shows mutual consent for anything that might take place in the next few hours, until someone makes the first move and approaches.

This is all it takes for Kemi to temporarily forget about what just transpired. She can’t see his face yet but she can see that he is tall, and who doesn’t like their men tall?? He’s also toned, with his biceps bulging against the cotton sleeves of his polo shirt. Tall, dark and handsome, tonight might not be such a bad night after all. She can just about make out his face when all of a sudden his form transforms into that of a girl!  Oh no, it’s just Remy waving franctically in her face and whispering in her rapid fire tongue:

Remy: Kemi, we need to go now! I’m not joking, now now now!

Oh dear Lord, she has come again! Why do I even follow this girl out? Just dey spoil show!

She seems pretty tightly wound and so Kemi decides to follow her. Glancing over at the unknown stranger she smiles apologetically and allows herself to be dragged away by Remy. Kemi later found out that Remy and Jide had been canoodling in his boudoir all this time and that things were getting a bit too heated for her down there and her only means of escape was pretending she (Kemi) had called her and begged to leave. How she orchestrated that would forever remain a mystery. Then again, when you’re as high as a kite it’s a bit easier to be manipulated. Now she was left wondering how on earth she would ever find her mystery man again!

Sunday, 5 August 2012

Staying Single: Part 3- Return of the Mac, or umm, the Ex?

Staying Single

If you haven’t read parts 1 and 2, find them here
______________________________________________________

Remy shrieks with joy at the same time that Kemi’s heart drops, so much for being quiet. The Ex had been calling to ask Kemi for Remy’s number so he could pass it on to his friend, Jide.

Kemi: So you mean to tell me that I’m the only one who has Remy’s number in your whole address book??

The Ex: Well, I don’t know, I didn’t really think about that. I wanted to hear your voice as well. It’s been weeks, are you okay?

Kemi: Yea I’m fine, thanks for asking, Id text the number to you now. 


The Ex: Why are you being so cold? Can't we just talk? I miss you


Kemi! Yea I miss you too I guess


Remy: **rolls eyes and mouths "Dont let me talk oh!"


The Ex: Come to mine today? Let's catch up?


Remy: *still mouthing* "I swear, I will kill you before you do such!"


Kemi: Uh, I dont think so. I have stuff to do.


The Ex: Well you know I'd always love you, I'm here for you.


Remy: *screaming silently* HANG UP NOW! I'M NOT PLAYING!


Kemi: Yea I know, gotta go now. Bye. **Hangs up**


Remy: Babe are you okay? Dont let him start getting into your head again oh! It's been a whole month!


Kemi: It's been 2 **eyes rolling**, you do that solely to annoy me don't you?


Remy: Partly **smiles sweetly**

Remy was bouncing all over the room doing an idiotic dance, which looked even more stupid because her hair was in rollers. She had had a massive incurable crush on Jide since like primary school and every time they were in the same place she tries her best to impress him with her dance moves and woo him with intelligent conversation but he’s just never seemed that interested, until now.

Remy: Okay now that that's over can I just say this: OMG! He asked for my number, not even my PIN, my number. That’s way more personal right?? I’m so excited! I’ve been telling you, I’m going to be the next Mrs Adeshina! Okay, text him the number now!

Kemi tried her best not to rain on her friends’ parade so she did as she was asked. And then it was night and then it was day and this happened five more times until finally, it was the weekend again.

The week had been pretty standard, well except for Remy who constantly updated her about her and Jide’s new love life, especially what was to be their first official ‘date’- A party at his this Friday. After Remy casually informed her that she was to be wing girl at this particular event and of course The Ex would be there, Kemi had spent the better part of the week searching online at Asos and Topshop for an outfit for this event.

Come Friday night her and Remy were dressed to kill; Remy, always aiming for the oh-I-look-sexy-in-this?-who-knew look, wore the most skin tight, black body con dress known to man, courtesy of American Apparel with some 6 inch KG heels, while Kemi was donning an Asos original jumpsuit, backless of course, with her favourite pair of Nine West electric blue heels. The effect? Scintillating!

They arrived at the Jide’s house in Fulham at 1 a.m. for the party, it was a good time not to look over eager and also to make sure that the party was in full swing already. He lived in one of those swanky apartments that came complete with it’s own gym, sauna and steam room as well as roof gardens. Once they stepped out the elevator on the 12th foor, they could hear the sound of Drake informing everyone of “the motto” and the acrid smell of weed was potent in the atmosphere. Shii, you could get high off the collateral!

Remy: Sh*t I’m so scared, what does my hair look like?

Kemi: You've asked me like a thousand times, I’m not telling you again jo, see mirror there!

The door was slightly ajar when they go to it and so they opened it and were shocked to their bone marrows. Party ke?? Yes there was music in the background and sure there were some other people there but they were certain what they had just walked into was NOT a party. Through the hallway they could see some girls doing shots and giggling loudly at whatever was so funny and they could see some guys, playing FIFA and puffing and passing a blunt around the room. Stoned out of their minds! As usual. Forever thinking on her feet, Remy dragged them into the nearest room before anyone noticed them.

Kemi: **laughing** what kind of dead behaviour is this?? People should stop lying and saying that they are having parties.

Remy: It’s not funny; I feel so overdressed right now.

Kemi: Ehnn, when you were giving them body con, you didn’t know! Gba be! Don’t you have flats in your bag? Better let’s change quickly.

After quickly reassessing their outfits and talking Remy out of going home to get changed they finally emerged from the bathroom laughing hysterically about the situation. Remy who wasn’t looking turned around too quickly and smacked right into Jide, chest first. Awkward. The two of them started talking so Kemi slipped into the living room to find a drink and a comfortable spot to observe her friend from.

Just as soon as she was getting comfy of course it was time for death to rear its ugly head in the form of her perfect ex-boyfriend, The Ex. This boy literally looked like he belonged on a podium in Rome, for all to stare at in fascination, taking in his perfect hair and perfect body and even his perfect smell gaddemit! Davidoff CoolWater, elixir of life itself!

Unfortunately for Kemi, The Ex had a way of talking her guards down in his deep baritone and the intoxication from the punch she was drinking was not helping either, before she knew it she was actually having fun with him. At some point in the conversation, their heads were so close together she could practically taste his lips. Smooth talking as always he had her full attention and she couldn’t even pretend to be uninterested anymore.

The Ex: I’m so sorry about how we broke up; I really handled it immaturely didn’t I?

Kemi: You did, but it’s okay. I’m over it anyways. LIES FROM THE FIERY PITS OF HELL, if you’re so over it then why are you daydreaming about kissing him??

The Ex: I really want to kiss you right now.

Kemi: Yes! Yes! Me too! So why are you telling me?

Her head still leaning so close to his she could smell his breath. And then it happened, electrifying and exhilarating, their lips touched and Kemi had not felt so happy in weeks. Unfortunately, about 5 seconds into their heavenly bliss something tore their heads apart.

Introducing The Slut, the girl who The Ex had slept with while still deeply ‘in love’ with Kemi.

The Slut: **screaming** HOW DARE YOU!! What the hell do you think you’re doing with this good-for-nothing virgin scumbag!

Kemi sighed heavily Oh dear; the night is about to go to shits isn’t it? And since when was being a virgin a bad thing? It's better than having a loo- never mind. *hiss*

Stay tuned for Part 4.

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Staying Single: Part 2- Poor Little Sola Boy


Staying Single

Incase you missed it, Part 1: I Will Be Single! Will I?
__________________________________________________________

What the heck does he want now?? She keeps staring at her phone until it eventually stops ringing, and even then she keep staring at it like she’s waiting for something to jump out of it. Today is just going to be one of those days isn’t it? She can feel it. After weeks of not talking to The Ex and trying not to Facebook stalk him more than 5 times a week, now he calls her out of the blue?? To say what exactly? It was probably a pocket dial anyways. Her phone beeps. Voicemail has 1 new message. Okay now she actually NEEDS Remy. Looking for the perfect outfit to say, I-like-you-but-I-don’t-want-to-be-your-girlfriend, is much harder than one would imagine! If the skirt is too short, it’s unfair to the boy. If the shorts are too tight, it’s unfair to the world. If she decides to be all “Sweat pants, hair tied, chillin with no make up on”, it’s unfair to Drake! Finally she opts for a casual t-shirt and jeans and hops into the shower.

It’s 1:30 p.m. before she arrives at CafĂ© Rouge; luckily Sola hadn’t been on time either so he’s only been waiting for 20 minutes. Imagine if I got there early, Silly boy. On seeing him she needs to remind herself why exactly she is about to decline this proposal. Sitting at the table, listening to music through his headphones Sola has never looked more divine. The sun reflects perfectly off his dark flawless skin and he has this cool look on his face, clearly he’s far far away. On seeing her he snaps back into reality from whatever daydream previously occupied his mind and delivers his most charming smile, capable of melting hearts. “Sola is just my friend, I do not need a man in my life to make me feel fulfilled. Repeat. Sola is just my friend, I do not need a man in my life to make me feel fulfilled. Repea-“

Kemi: Hey, sorry I’m late. My wardrobe went crazy on me.

Sola: No worries babe, you look stunning as usual. I already ordered you your usual.

**sigh** what an awesome almost-boyfriend he makes.

Kemi: So Remy told me about some of the stuff you said to her last night, is it..

Sola: **cutting her off** Yea, I wasn’t really myself, I don’t know why I did that.

Kemi: Oh so you don’t like me then? It’s funny how girls get slightly offended when the person that they thought liked them, that they don’t like, says he doesn’t like them. Complicated creatures we are I tell you!

Sola: **silence**

Kemi: Come on, you can tell me anything, you know that.. Sola?

Sola: You led me on and made me fall for you; now what am I supposed to do? I can’t just let you go.

Kemi: You are making this so awkward, I never led you on and I’m really sorry if you feel I did!

Sola: So all those nights you were crying on my shoulder and falling asleep in my arms meant nothing?

Kemi: This boy’s view on love is rather warped oh. I was heartbroken over the Ex, you know that!

Sola: Whatever, you’re just a b*tch who uses people because she feels like it.

Kemi: Wow. **gets up to leave**

Sola: Babe, I’m sorry, please don’t leave like that. I’m a bit out of sorts this morning.

Kemi: Just take your stupid flawless hand off me! I’m just not ready for a new relationship; do you think we can be friends?

Sola: I guess so. Although you make it hard for me when you keep wearing these skin-tight jeans. Pun intended.

Why cant everything in life just always be this simple? They fought, made-up and were haveing lunch together happily gisting about all the latest happenings in under 30 minutes. Sola flirts tirelessly and it’s obvious that he does infact have deep feelings for her. She keeps catching him staring at her in the most unusual way but she knows she’s made the right choice. Kemi really wants to tell him about the voicemail from The Ex that she still hasn’t listened to yet but it feels like the wrong time, so she resolves herself to marching over to Remy’s house so they can listen to it together.

**Three hours later**

Remy: Okay then play the voicemail now let’s see what the stupid boy has to say now after 1 month.

Kemi: Actually it’s been 2.

Remy: Okay just play it anyways.

She reaches for her phone and dials for voicemail

“Hey Kemi, ummm, sorry I didn’t know who else to call, I need your help and it’s kind of urgent. Call me back when you get this, um, yeah, bye.”

What? He needs my help?? What kind of help? Maybe he’s ready to apologise and beg for me back, we can live in a castle in the sky and have nightcaps every night! Hmmmm should I accept or not?

Her thoughts were broken into by Remy, ever the realist.

Remy: What does this boy want from you now?? He better stop with all his cryptic rubbish. You’re not going to help him are you? Kemi! Stop daydreaming about having his babies!

Kemi: How does she know me so well? Huh? Oh yeah.. Well let me see what he has to say first now, you never know. Our babies would be tall and have his perfect eyebrows and eyelashes. Oh the joy!

Remy: Dey dere! Ive warned you now oh. You need to keep trying to get over this boy. He’s no good for you. Infact, call him back while I’m here. I don’t trust you; you might start begging him to take you back now. Shioor.

Kemi: Okay madam smart-ass, I’d call him back now. Just be quiet, I don’t want him to get spooked because you’re around.

Remy: **rolls eyes**

Kemi: Okay shhh, it’s ringing. Let me put it on speaker. Be still oh beating heart of mine.

The Ex: Hello?