Staying Single: Part 3- Return of the Mac, or umm, the Ex?

Staying Single

If you haven’t read parts 1 and 2, find them here

Part 1: I Will Be Single! Will I?

Part 2: Poor little Sola Boy

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Remy shrieks with joy at the same time that Kemi’s heart drops, so much for being quiet. The Ex had been calling to ask Kemi for Remy’s number so he could pass it on to his friend, Jide.

Kemi: So you mean to tell me that I’m the only one who has Remy’s number in your whole address book??

The Ex: Well, I don’t know, I didn’t really think about that. I wanted to hear your voice as well. It’s been weeks, are you okay?

Kemi: Yea I’m fine, thanks for asking, Id text the number to you now. 


The Ex: Why are you being so cold? Can't we just talk? I miss you


Kemi! Yea I miss you too I guess


Remy: **rolls eyes and mouths "Dont let me talk oh!"


The Ex: Come to mine today? Let's catch up?


Remy: *still mouthing* "I swear, I will kill you before you do such!"


Kemi: Uh, I dont think so. I have stuff to do.


The Ex: Well you know I'd always love you, I'm here for you.


Remy: *screaming silently* HANG UP NOW! I'M NOT PLAYING!


Kemi: Yea I know, gotta go now. Bye. **Hangs up**


Remy: Babe are you okay? Dont let him start getting into your head again oh! It's been a whole month!


Kemi: It's been 2 **eyes rolling**, you do that solely to annoy me don't you?


Remy: Partly **smiles sweetly**

Remy was bouncing all over the room doing an idiotic dance, which looked even more stupid because her hair was in rollers. She had had a massive incurable crush on Jide since like primary school and every time they were in the same place she tries her best to impress him with her dance moves and woo him with intelligent conversation but he’s just never seemed that interested, until now.

Remy: Okay now that that's over can I just say this: OMG! He asked for my number, not even my PIN, my number. That’s way more personal right?? I’m so excited! I’ve been telling you, I’m going to be the next Mrs Adeshina! Okay, text him the number now!

Kemi tried her best not to rain on her friends’ parade so she did as she was asked. And then it was night and then it was day and this happened five more times until finally, it was the weekend again.

The week had been pretty standard, well except for Remy who constantly updated her about her and Jide’s new love life, especially what was to be their first official ‘date’- A party at his this Friday. After Remy casually informed her that she was to be wing girl at this particular event and of course The Ex would be there, Kemi had spent the better part of the week searching online at Asos and Topshop for an outfit for this event.

Come Friday night her and Remy were dressed to kill; Remy, always aiming for the oh-I-look-sexy-in-this?-who-knew look, wore the most skin tight, black body con dress known to man, courtesy of American Apparel with some 6 inch KG heels, while Kemi was donning an Asos original jumpsuit, backless of course, with her favourite pair of Nine West electric blue heels. The effect? Scintillating!

They arrived at the Jide’s house in Fulham at 1 a.m. for the party, it was a good time not to look over eager and also to make sure that the party was in full swing already. He lived in one of those swanky apartments that came complete with it’s own gym, sauna and steam room as well as roof gardens. Once they stepped out the elevator on the 12th foor, they could hear the sound of Drake informing everyone of “the motto” and the acrid smell of weed was potent in the atmosphere. Shii, you could get high off the collateral!

Remy: Sh*t I’m so scared, what does my hair look like?

Kemi: You've asked me like a thousand times, I’m not telling you again jo, see mirror there!

The door was slightly ajar when they go to it and so they opened it and were shocked to their bone marrows. Party ke?? Yes there was music in the background and sure there were some other people there but they were certain what they had just walked into was NOT a party. Through the hallway they could see some girls doing shots and giggling loudly at whatever was so funny and they could see some guys, playing FIFA and puffing and passing a blunt around the room. Stoned out of their minds! As usual. Forever thinking on her feet, Remy dragged them into the nearest room before anyone noticed them.

Kemi: **laughing** what kind of dead behaviour is this?? People should stop lying and saying that they are having parties.

Remy: It’s not funny; I feel so overdressed right now.

Kemi: Ehnn, when you were giving them body con, you didn’t know! Gba be! Don’t you have flats in your bag? Better let’s change quickly.

After quickly reassessing their outfits and talking Remy out of going home to get changed they finally emerged from the bathroom laughing hysterically about the situation. Remy who wasn’t looking turned around too quickly and smacked right into Jide, chest first. Awkward. The two of them started talking so Kemi slipped into the living room to find a drink and a comfortable spot to observe her friend from.

Just as soon as she was getting comfy of course it was time for death to rear its ugly head in the form of her perfect ex-boyfriend, The Ex. This boy literally looked like he belonged on a podium in Rome, for all to stare at in fascination, taking in his perfect hair and perfect body and even his perfect smell gaddemit! Davidoff CoolWater, elixir of life itself!

Unfortunately for Kemi, The Ex had a way of talking her guards down in his deep baritone and the intoxication from the punch she was drinking was not helping either, before she knew it she was actually having fun with him. At some point in the conversation, their heads were so close together she could practically taste his lips. Smooth talking as always he had her full attention and she couldn’t even pretend to be uninterested anymore.

The Ex: I’m so sorry about how we broke up; I really handled it immaturely didn’t I?

Kemi: You did, but it’s okay. I’m over it anyways. LIES FROM THE FIERY PITS OF HELL, if you’re so over it then why are you daydreaming about kissing him??

The Ex: I really want to kiss you right now.

Kemi: Yes! Yes! Me too! So why are you telling me?

Her head still leaning so close to his she could smell his breath. And then it happened, electrifying and exhilarating, their lips touched and Kemi had not felt so happy in weeks. Unfortunately, about 5 seconds into their heavenly bliss something tore their heads apart.

Introducing The Slut, the girl who The Ex had slept with while still deeply ‘in love’ with Kemi.

The Slut: **screaming** HOW DARE YOU!! What the hell do you think you’re doing with this good-for-nothing virgin scumbag!

Kemi sighed heavily Oh dear; the night is about to go to shits isn’t it? And since when was being a virgin a bad thing? It's better than having a loo- never mind. *hiss*

Stay tuned for Part 4.