Amen

Also I’ve been doing some writing! Decided to share with you a little bit of something something I’ve been working on. I don’t really know what to call this piece, it’s not really a poem but kind of is.. you know.. one of ‘those’ here goes:

 Amen

As usual I crawl into bed after daddy’s gone to work,

Lying there together you say a quick prayer for me,

You always want nothing but the best for me.

But this morning you sense something is different,

The “Amen’s” are coarser, quicker with less feeling.

“May the Lord grant you all your hearts desires” my heart breaks.

Now the tears are rolling down hot and fast, completely soaking your silk blouse.

Wrapped in your arms you tell me I’m your beautiful baby girl

I’m 19 and gifted, being heartbroken never lasts too long.

Then why does every minute I don’t hear his voice feel like an eternity?

Every time I re-read the text that terminated us, feel like my obituary?

Okay that’s it for now! Bye! Lol.

How To Please Your Lady

Sorry about the hiatus people! I’ve been dying a slow and painful death in this institution of murder called university. *sigh*. But I’m backkkkk! :) :). (Assuming anyone noticed I was gone in the first place! Lol)

After having a lengthy debate with my friend about his current girlfriend I decided to try and answer the question: “Are girls really insatiable?” From an objective but ever so slightly biased point of view. According to my friend, and i must say i agree, Almost every girl I know goes on and on about how all they want is a good guy who would treat her right and take her places, the only thing girls never seem to account for is that, somewhat unfortunately, boys are human beings as well. One thing that always baffles me (and believe you me I’ve proven to be the Chief Mrs of this department in some situations) is why a girl would 9 out of 10 times pick the ‘bad boy’ that gives her minimal attention, over the sweet over-emotional boy who is constantly flooding her phone. But this discussion is for another day.

So of these 9 girls that pick the ‘bad boy’ we get a range of complaints “He never calls” “He takes too long to text back” “He’s always flirting with other girls” on and on and on driving any and everyone that would lend them an ear absolutely crazy. One would think that the problem is that we get so caught up in this princess fiasco (points finger at Walt Disney and his crew!) and spend so much time looking for a guy that’s already tailor made to our expectations that we pass up on a lot of perfectly good ‘paupers’ waiting to be turned into ‘princes’. The effort it takes to finding the perfect guy is probably more than it would take to turn one John Doe into James Dean. BUT NO! Because even the 1 girl that uses her common sense and picks the sweet guy ALWAYS finds something to complain about “He texts me too much” “He took me out to Indian when I said I wanted Pan-Asian” always always complaining! So why aren’t girls ever happy?

After some consideration, soul searching and just because I can write vast amounts of bullshit and call it my opinion J I decided that one of the problems is that boys don’t listen!! Some of my closest male friends have perfected the art of selective hearing down to the letter, I always respect girls that like them and can deal with them. How can I be on the phone with you, telling you that Indian food makes me feel sick and so on, and then you suggest we go to the Curry Mile (a mile of curry houses someplace in Manchester) for lunch? :/ Wow, some guys just don’t get it. All I ever hear is "Oh girls are over-dramatic, they always expect too much." You KNOW your girlfriend/ side chick/ p is going to get stressy if you take longer than x hours to hit her up. Or if your battery conveniently dies and you feel no need to hola at her even after you’ve seen the texts she sent while she was looking for you. I get it, some boys are just chilled, it’s never a big deal to them, life is easy breezy but then don’t make her feel like she’s being irrational about life! How many times do you need to hear “I hate it when you don’t call me back” to know it’s time to start calling back? Jheez!

Obviously there are some extreme girls who generally expect too much, text too much and blah but just because you’ve known a couple of those doesn’t mean that every single girl needs to be treated with the same aloof attitude that boys have down pat. All you got to do is squeeze her, don’t tease her, never leave her! In other words, try a little tenderness.

Deuces my darlings! OTIS SCREAM

Oh, apologies if you thought this was going to be a sexual blog *bbm cant watch*

XO 

Stalker Alert!

Oh... My... Gosh… You have GOT to be kidding me!! I’m sorry but I cannot STAND it when these random postgraduate/daddy looking fellows come and try and move to babes! Like legit, what is their problem? I just had to blog about this particular one that has been happening to me lately.

So as girls, we have a 6^th sense that our male counterparts lack, we can tell when a guy is interested and usually complain about being “undressed” with peoples eyes. So get this, I’m in a jolly mood one morning, just chilling, walking to the bus stop, Frank Ocean caressing my eardrums with his voice. As some people may know I have my left tragus pierced, so I only listen to music through one ear, (I know it seems random now, but read on :)) For the sake of this post let us call this latest predator Mustapha. From about 10 – 15 meters away I could already feel his eyes trying to bore deep inside my soul (excuse the hyperboles darlings). Very pointedly and deliberately I put my left earphone in, (the piercing makes this a little uncomfortable) turn up the volume and switch from Franck Ocean to Fall Out Boy. And just to be extra cautions I stand with my back to him, this way he can’t try any eye contact. For me, all of this says “GO AWAY” “DO NOT SPEAK TO ME!” “I BITE!” I mean who doesn’t know that headphones are a “Do Not Disturb” sign? What does Mustapha do? He first tries calling to me, and then eventually he taps me, on my shoulder, multiple times, very annoyingly, to get my attention.

Annoyed and wishing the bloody bus would come already, I turn around and make a whole show of reducing the volume of my iPod, extracting the earphone from my ear and looking up. “Hello, I just saw you from there and I wanted to know your name” is what I’m greeted by. My mind is screaming; “Leave me alone!! You don’t have to speak to me, you have nothing to say to me, please leave.. ” But mummy said I must never be rude to anybody, besides I have an innate fear of crossing a babalawo one day and being ‘sworn for’ for all eternity. So I’m like “Hi, I’m Reni” and begin putting my earphones back in. but as with any of ‘these types’, he was relentless, tapping my shoulder again he proceeds to tell me his name, and a few other details which I have now blocked out, my brain needs its capacity for other things. The bus comes and surprise, surprise it is completely empty so it doesn’t matter where I sit, he’s going to sit next to me. Anyways, I’m relieved when after going on and on he asked me for my email address and not my phone number or PIN. I decided to oblige and gave it to him thinking, thank God this is over, I would just ignore emails briefly. I still got off the bus two stops early just in case he changed his mind or something.

Sadly, this story doesn’t have a happy ending! Along the same bus route again, this time I was with a friend thank the Good Lord! None other but Mustapha *long, deep sigh* this time I didn’t even notice him, he just ambushed me! Pops out of nowhere and says “Oh you didn’t reply my email, add me on facebook, I’ve been looking for you” I honestly thought I was in a nightmare like legit! Why does crap like this only happen to me?? Kmt, I just know I’m going to see him again sometime this week! Then the worst part, he was the same guy my friend was telling me about that had approached her a couple of weeks ago, which explains why she was in fits of laughter!

It’s like, does he sit at the bus stop and wait to chat up any black girl he sees and finds attractive?! I wonder how many other ‘victims’ there have been. WHY does he do this?? Surely there are other ways to get girls that make you seem less creepy. This situation really really annoys me! I mean go away! I’m sure many other girls have experienced this! The WORXT has to be those facebook inbox messages; I actually went through my inbox to find these

This delusional person sent to me:

Strawberry wrapped in chocolate clothing is what you are dear...would love to know you deeper ....i wanna put your heart in a safe place were angels sing you soul music to sleep..... God av missed everything bout you tho we never talked on phone but i sure had a nice time exchanging letters here..been so busy to check my mails......been thinking bout you for a while..pictures of you in my thots,,,in my dreams av kissed your lips a thousand times...this i tell you i mean....i want to be the 1 for you and only you..would put your heart the warmest place..i am in nigeria but no matter the distance i would love to be with you and am real....let do chat sometime..can add me on **********@yahoo.com

Another one sent:

sup, you looking cutie,i'm damn trippin for ya gurl, where ar you frm, can i get to know ya? well i'm Ola from,if u dnt mind,u can join me on my msn,its *******@yahoo.com,u can get back to me wit urs if u dnt mind sharin dat, i look forward for your forthcoming response.Cheers!!!

The first one slays me every time I read it! I know we all have equally creepy/funny messages in our inbox, please post away in the comments box! Make we laugh together.

My friend said the other day “But why aren’t they ever fine?” the answer is oh-so simple! Fine boys don’t act like that! And if they do sadly it’s 100% permissible because once I gaze at him his brown eyes tell it so! :) lol

P.S After the bus incident I've seen him 2 more times! Four days in a row is no coincidence..

Exploiting Your Raw Talent

I realise it's a bit lengthy but just try and read it all :)

There’s a story in the Bible, in Matthew 25:14-30 about the men with the talents*, for those who aren’t familiar with it, in a nutshell it says: “Master is travelling, takes 3 servants, gives the first one 5 talents, second one 2 talents, the last one, 1 talent. The servants with 5 and 2 talents both work hard and double it, the lazy one with one talent simply stows it away and awaits the masters return, he is of course then condemned.”

Why did I think of this parable you wonder? Well, it so happens that I was speaking to a friend of mine and he, being an avid photographer after going on and on about exposure limits, lenses and how the best time to take pictures is twilight, suddenly stopped rambling and asked me straight up “What’s your ‘thing’?”  I found myself in a bit of a state thinking of an answer. Some people are into art, fashion, music, literature but I couldn’t really think of a “thing” that I could call my own. Put in an immediate state of panic, coupled with the fact that the ‘D’ had changed into an ‘R’, I started to think back to something, anything I’ve ever been passionate about. After reeling off a list of potential answers in my head “Shoes? No this implies I care about more than how long they make my legs looks Perfume? Well I do love perfume but I’m not sure I could tell you if a scent had jasmine undertones or a mild hint of fresh roses :/ Photogra.. oh no, that’s HIS thing” I eventually came to the conclusion that I didn’t have a ‘thing’ and with an ever so slight hint of annoyance said “Not everyone has a talent that’s immediately obvious to the naked eye.”

 These are some sexy ass shoes though! Vicky of course!

Whether or not I believed this line of argument when I first said it was completely irrelevant but sitting here I realize that yes, I do believe it. Not in the context I was trying to use it though. I was trying to say then that only people naturally and artistically talented had the chance of showcasing their work for the world to see. What I realized though is that, you don’t have to be able to ‘showcase’ your talent in such an obvious way. For instance, a charismatic person could potentially be good, maybe even great at say, public speaking but would never know because they never bothered to invest in their ‘talent’ because it wasn’t as noticeable as others. The sad truth is that, we as human beings love praise and most people would do things better or to a higher level if there was consistent admiration. But just because you cant blog about it (oh hi, today my charisma went from level 3 to 5 today -____-) doesn’t mean it’s any less of a talent. Their talent may not manifest itself in a physical form but through practice charisma could easily become synonymous with their name.

I read a comment on a plaque that was given to my mum today and it said, “True stars rise to the top not by chance but through purpose and passion!” and thought to myself, this can’t be any more in line with this post! Basically the point of all of my ramble is that if you already have a ‘thing’ then keep working on it and making yourself better at it, and if you’re a bit ‘thing-less’ at the moment like me then think about it, remember it doesn’t have to be something immediately obvious. Besides, I think all the spaces for rappers, models and designers have been filled! I'd let you know when i find mine :)

Thank you friend for showing me that I should find my talent-thing and exploit it, allowing myself to reach my full potential. All this talk of things has constantly been reminding me of Thing 1 and Thing 2 from Dr Seuss! Random, I know, you like it ^_^

*In the parable of the talents a ‘talent’ is a sum of money, worth more than approximately a thousand dollars

Lost Generation

I was bored on the internet yesterday and came across this video and in light of everything going on in London and the rest of the U.K it really hit me hard!

The video pretty much speaks for itself and I hope you can relate to it as much as i did. Let me know what you think via comments :)

Reni xxx

Letter To My Boyfriend, Football Season

So I'm aware that this may count as 'famz' to some extent, but i honestly couldn't help myself! I read this blog post the other day on http://thetoolsman.wordpress.com/ titled "Letter To My Girlfriend About Football" and I just HAD to do a reply, here goes...

Darling,

I really appreciate you writing me this letter and getting all your feelings about the football season in the open. I just have a few concerns with this new ‘schedule’ of events. As you stated, we hardly speak during the week except the ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ & then a rushed dinner on Friday night so you can get to your boys night. Saturdays are spent mostly in traffic as we make our way to and from these events we get invited to as a couple, this usually ends in a moody me and a tired you. This is why I am deeply distraught that our Sundays, those glorious Sundays we spend in bed all day together, you reading FourFourTwo & me reading Martina Cole are now going to be taken over by more seemingly endless football banter. The last two months of peace and loads of GREAT sex would now boil down to FIFTEEN MINUTES of half time sex with your mind wandering whether Van Persie has managed to sustain yet another hamstring injury, or why Almunia our number one keeper has such butter fingers! (Notice my use of the word ‘our’? what’s yours is mine baby, even if it means being depressed for more than half the season ‘snuggles closer’). I can only pray to God Almighty that Arsenal win something this year as your mood whenever they don’t win the current match is nothing short of cold and even at times rude till Tuesday at least, Wednesday if a crucial player also happens to get injured. If I personally knew Theo Walcott I would spend days tutoring him on how to actually find the back of the net just to make you happy, I hope you know I would do anything for you sweetie pie, you mean the world to me.

As far as being a great hostess is concerned, in an effort not to embarrass you and myself, I would, in fact, buy the booze on Friday during our weekly shop, I will NOT however, spend hours in the kitchen pouring over some cookbook about how to make Southern Fried Chicken using buttermilk and cornflakes. I suggest you add to our list of grocery items some oven pizza and chips, I have no problem throwing this into the oven with all my usual TLC, I would even make little love hearts out of the ketchup to decorate your plate.

However on Sundays I suggest you familiarize yourself with the telephone numbers of various pizza, Chinese and Indian restaurants because, Sunday is now a Spa Day with my girlfriends where we will to no end bitch (for lack of a better word, don’t be offended by this boo, kiss kiss, it’s out of the deepest love I have for you) about our darling boyfriends and their football obsession. This day is mandatory! You know how much I appreciate every second we spend together but I just can’t have my girlfriends thinking you control me or I’m going to become a housewife who just cooks and cleans all day! I think this is best because you wouldn’t want me whining in your ear and distracting you from seeing the banger of a goal that Nicklas Bendtner just scored. We really need to sort out our TV to include rewind!

I hope you noticed my use of the names of Arsenal players, I’ve been on wiki all day studying so you wouldn’t be disappointed when I don’t understand what you’re talking about.. that’s just how much you mean to me. With the start of the Champions League I think we need a face-to-face discussion on who gets the TV at what time, surely you haven’t forgotten that Gossip Girl, 90210, Grey’s Anatomy, Vampire Diaries and all the other shows I watch start next month!!

*sigh* I’m so happy you wrote me the letter and I’ve now had a chance to reply you, I’m sure you would agree with everything, you have always been so understanding and caring. Thanks for being the best boyfriend ^_^

Your Sugar Puffs & Whipped Cream

CLING FILM SUFFOCATES!!

“WARNING: To avoid danger of suffocation, keep this bag away from babies and children” I’m sure we’re all pretty familiar with this phrase, but what about us grown folk? We get suffocated too, not necessarily by plastic bags or cling film, but by people in our lives.

1.     GREASEPROOF PAPER: The person that calls/texts you every day, FIVE TIMES a day, “Just to check” How many times are we going to have the same conversation that always ends with “How are you?” “Fine” “Okay just checking” please take the hint, we have nothing to say to each other, stop using me as a means to alleviate your boredom. Why don’t I just delete this person you ask? Because they would notice and re-add within two hours, plus their feelings get hurt when you tell them they’re just plain annoying.

2.     ALUMINIUM FOIL: The nincompoop that reads too much into everything you say, I realize this person isn’t exactly clingy but they fit quite well into the list in terms of annoyance levels. Take this conversation for example:

A: I love your avatar

B: Aww, thanks boo

A: ‘boo’? *eyelashes* you sure know how to make a guy/girls day

B: -____- *end chat* “Are you sure you want to delete?” YES!

YES! This did happen in real life, I promise! It is 2011, thou shall not get so gingered because somebody calls you boo, dear, love, honey or any other generic terms of endearment. They probably call their dog boo! Come off it.

3.     NYLON BAG: The friend that calls you every opportunity they get for the sole purpose of ranting. I’m not being unrealistic here; everybody needs to rant sometimes, even about irrelevant things. But, if every single time you call me it’s to tell me that your boyfriend is being an asshole or your lecturer is a douche bag, expecting me to baby you and tell you that everything would be okay, you can be sure that before long I’d be screening your calls! It is NOT okay to dump all your emotional junk on me more than once a week! 2-3 times if we consider each other close friends :)

 4.     CLING FILM: The side chick/summer p that’s forever on that Kylie Minogue flex and just can’t get you out of their heads. These have to be the absolute worst when it comes down to it because, somewhat unfortunately for you, you actually LIKE this person! You haven’t made it to wifey or boyfriend status yet, why scare the person off by constantly expressing to them how you can’t imagine what life would be like without them. This is borderline stalker-type behaviour. Even if it is how you really feel hide it; write a letter, stick it in a bottle and throw it into the Atlantic for plankton to feed off! And no fool, don’t sign it with your name.

If you thought even for a split second that u might be in one of the four categories above stop reading this right now and re-evaluate your life. Nobody is judging you; it’s for your own good :). Stop suffocating the people around you, you wouldn’t be happy if you were the only person left on earth now would you?

Be Inspired

Happy first day of the month guys! and Ramadan Mubarak to any Muslims that may read this :) Decided to start this new month with a couple of videos that I find very inspirational.

Joshua Bennett, there's just something about his voice that has such impact on me. Beautiful message he has here, specifically to black women but I'm sure every woman can relate in some way :)

This next one is about the Gospel by Propaganda. You absolutely HAVE to listen to this, his words speak volumes!

Pinch, Punch, First of the month.
Stay Blessed

Things Come And Go

I realise that in my last post I implied writing about boys & girls being besties next, but then the topic of friendship came to my head and wouldn’t leave. How do you define friendship? Is it the person you talk to everyday on the phone? Or the people that are unfailingly present, whether it’s to go clubbing or help you through a rough patch?

Definitely there are different friends for different things, we have the friends that always cook, the ones that know the bouncers to everywhere and get us in places for free, but in this post I’m going to focus on BEST FRIENDS.

‘Best friend’ is not a term I like to use loosely; I’m talking about people you feel are genuinely your soul mates both male and female. (Yes, yes I know I’m being sentimental, BITE ME!) For me I don’t need to talk to them everyday and they may not know my life down to every minute detail, but when it comes to things that matter they are absolutely 100% there.

Recently I lost two of my best friends due to circumstances I feel were beyond my control, pretty much at the same time as well & this got me questioning a lot of things like ‘Were they ever really my friends?’ ‘Was the relationship one sided?’ ‘How is it that they seem fine with this when I’m clearly not?’ I’m sure we’ve all been here once or twice in our lives, when doubt and confusion starts to creep in but a good friend said to me “Never regret something that once made you smile.” I guess he was right, I try not to live my life with any regrets, mistakes have been made and I must learn from them.

This doesn’t mean I wasn’t still torn up over what happened and in some ways I still am, especially on nights like tonight. But I was talking to my mum and something she said struck me and has stayed with me since “Sometimes childhood friends outgrow each other, what’s important, is for you to stay in the background of their lives, another window of opportunity may come your way” So now I’m here, waiting patiently for my next window with both or one of them if God ordains it. The important thing to note here is that, not everyone is supposed to be in your life forever. We need to be wise in deciding what friendships are worth fighting for and I hope I’m making the right choice! Growing up can be hard but I know everything happens for a reason and NO I’m not superstitious, not really anyways..

If ever they read this and know whom they are, I love you guys, always will.

Okay no more sentiments tonight, I’m sure id be back to my usual self by morning :D

There Is Nothing Like The Friend Zone

I can just see my fellow ladies now like "girl you don’t know what you’re talking about, of course there is". But let’s look at it this way. Boy, Single or Committed, Attractive enough to step outside with, so what’s the problem? Boys only get put in the friend zone for their own plain stupidity! She’s given you her number and not offered to take yours so heck you know she’s feeling you at least a little bit. But then you guys start talking and you have NO SWAG! You’re a grown ass man, how are you going to be asking, “what’s your favorite colour?” this is not year 9! Pshh friend zone. There’s nothing wrong with tryna get to know her but let’s keep it new.

Assuming you pass the initial phone/bbm test, you get to take her out somewhere and then because you’re SHY you never even tried to hold her hand? Don’t let Diana King fool you, we don’t like players but shy guys are the worst! Stop hurting your chances by being so damn scared! I'm pretty sure we don't bite *eyelashes* Girls like to feel pretty & in control. Hold that damn hand, if she rejects you at least you tried & chances are she’d be talking about you to her girlies.  (she’s thinking of you!)


Thinking that becoming ‘besties’ first would give you guaranteed access to the box. Unless you already know she’s in love with you don’t even try it. Do you really want to hear stories about all the guys chasing her? Or have to follow her shopping to pick something for her latest guy? If you like her let it show because chances are by the time you admit to liking her she’d be creeped out by it because you’re a ‘brother’ to her. (Light bulb, new blog topic!)  Obviously there are just some boys with exceptional bad luck and some girls with extraordinary will power but this is nothing that a few shots of tequila wouldn’t fix ;)‬

First Time Blogger

Okay so i'm kind of new at this blogging thing :) hope anyone that may read it to the end enjoys!

Boy and girl meet. Boy falls in love. Girl thinks she could like him. Couple months later she realises that his shy personality, over attentiveness and general likeness for her equal no swag!

Take my friend Keisha for example, she met this guy let’s call him Daniel at a bar in London, the two hit it off immediately. Things quickly progressed as they do and it went from hand holding at movies to tonsil hockey in her bedroom. After about 3 weeks of this ‘whirlwind’ romance Keisha starts to get bored, she realises that her and D just don’t click like she thought, the conversations seem to be getting shorter and more basic every day. But Daniel doesn’t see this. As far as he’s concerned things are going great and he’s one date short of asking her to be his girlfriend. (tell me about it, boys can be so clueless).

Confused and a little unsure what to do she calls up her besties. (as girls love to talk) After hours of evaluation they decide there are 2 options. End it or go with the flow. Why would she continue it you may wonder, she’s already bored out of her mind by this dude and they haven’t even hit one month yet, but he’s sweet and sensitive and always remembers to call to say goodnight!

So why stay.. FEAR. Yes fear, that one day she’d be lying in bed heartbroken yet again because she chose the douche with more ‘je nais se quoi’ wishing she hadn’t let go of the ‘good guy’ in her life that was willing to do whatever it took to be with her. But let’s face it, most girls would rather go through a tumultuous relationship with spontaneous Sergio, always the life of the party than stay cuddled up in bed with Dulling Dan. So she decides to end it. Now another dilemma, HOW?

Most girls I know would say nothing, generally trying to drop the occasional hint; replying texts a day late, missing phone calls, avoiding one-on-one hang outs.. you agree right? WELL STOP! Yes yes I know, most of the guys we know have proven themselves to in one way or another be tools, certified punks! Girls have been left confused and heart broken in the trail of destruction by ‘bad boys’ but there are also the few, emphasis on the word FEW boys who are actually genuinely sensitive, kind and emotional, their hearts get broken too but to show it would be to emasculating! Fair enough, these boys are few and far between but there’s the saying; “Behind every bad boy is the girl he loved too much that made him that way.”

My thoughts? A nice clean break. Sit down together somewhere or if that’s too hard a phone call might do, explain to him why things can’t be as he sees them. It’s hard for both parties but it needs to be done. Then move on, after all your still a single girl ready to mingle with the next cute guy that catches your eye. Just make sure your not breaking too many hearts along the way ;)