Christmas Day: 16 Year Old Boys and Kite High Girls

Hey beautiful people! A belated merry Christmas to you all!

Christmas day is definitely always one of my favourite days in the whole Christmas period, filled with family, friends, spiced meats and too much champagne! It’s definitely a day for jollification! This Christmas day was no different, the party was hosted at my cousins’ house in Lagos, and I saw family members that I haven’t seen in years and years! It’s so weird; the clan has like tripled since we last got together! People I didn’t even remember getting married were married with 2 kids! (Trust me, in a family as big as mine, it’s difficult to keep track of who is married and who is isn’t!) It was super cute meeting all my baby nieces and nephews; babies are so adorable! I love how they are so easily entertained by just about anything you put in front of them! There was even games and karaoke and the mandatory dancing that comes with celebrations. You should see my granddad breaking it down on the dance floor, it really is quite amusing.

This Christmas day was a bit weirder than some other ones I’ve experienced in the past though, I wasn’t quite sure what to make out of this 16 year old boy trying to convince me that he was 18 so that meant I was only a year older than him and therefore we should be together.. Firstly, no, I’m not 19. And secondly, I’m pretty sure he tried to feel my boobs with his head when he came for a bye-bye hug. That was strange; I was like “Hellooo, tiny person. This is very inappropriate!” But hey, it was Christmas day! If him resting his head on my bosom for half a second would have made his day any more special then well… no actually, I take that back. It was still weird!

But even weirder was my encounter with this girl! Okay so I must point out now that I don’t think ive ever seen anyone high, well except my dad's driver but he doesn't count! (May his soul rest in peace) I mean it’s not like I’m some goody two shoes that’s never been around weed but I just don’t think I’ve ever noticed it! Anyways, in comes this girl, extremely scantily clad. (May I point out now that she’s not part of the family) I think she missed the memo that it was a family affair not the strip club. I usually feel bad when I judge people but her outfit was scandalous. Some tiny shorts barely covering her barely-there bum, you know the kind that rises towards the outside to form like a V shape? And some velvety slinky low cut tank top. I will not lie, she did look good, it was just inappropriate! Anyways, I digress. After hours of watching her in amusement and giggling every time someone passed a comment about her choice of attire I had my first encounter with her in my cousins room. Here goes the conversation:

Me: Hey, have you seen Skinny Minnie? (that’s not her actual name)

Inappropriate Girl: No, she was here like twenty minutes ago.

Me (Upon noticing her eyes looking extremely bloodshot against her very yellow skin): Oh my gosh, what’s wrong? Are you okay?  **genuine concern here!*

I.G: Yea I’m fine, I haven’t seen your cousin though.

At this short response, I back out of the room and continue my search. Eventually I find Skinny Minnie and inform her of the earlier occurrence to which she replies nonchalantly. “Oh she’s high, they’ve all been going outside to get high. It's weird.”

Let it be known that “they” were not part of le familia, but still, I found it quite interesting that people were so bold as to get high in front of their parents friends… I really wish I could grow some balls and live recklessly! My stories pale in comparison to theirs! But at least now when i see someone with bloodshot eyes and no visible tears I wouldn't waste my genuine love and care on them. Especially not in this city where the ibo they smoke is fifty times more potent than in the U.K.! Nevertheless, I will not be trying any of the above! I hope the I.G. had a blast! YOLO and things! If not on Christmas Day then when? Haha.

Merry Belated Christmas again to you my lovely readers!

Glad tidings,

Morenike

P.S: Happy Birthday Skinny Minnie! I know you hate being called skinny but the nickname seemed so befitting! I love you lots and lots and lots! Hope you have an amazing day!

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Staying Single: Part 5.5- A Suitor, A Disciple and A Sola

Incase you've been missing out on the epic tales of Kemi's life, catch up with the links below!

Part1: I Will Be Single! Will I?

Part2: Poor little Sola Boy

Part3: Return of the Mac or umm, the Ex?

Part4: Pure Carnal Lust

Part5: All Hail the Queen of Awkward Moments

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Once again I apologise profusely for the error in the order of these posts, I'd be more careful next time! As I explained before, this should go between Parts 5 and 6 and then the story would continue as normal from part 7 on Wednesday.

As she reaches the ladies, Kemi realises that her heart rate is elevated, pupils dilated and palms are sweaty. Yes ladies and gentlemen, she is in love! Quickly she whips out her blackberry and types a message to “The Girls” in their group chat.

Kemi: Guysssss, such a situation! At Amaranto with the Disciple but guess who I just saw??

Steph: Vic O??

Remy: Jide??

Nkechi: Who??

Kemi: No, this is serious guys, THE SUITOR IS HERE! And I just blew it! (Goes into detailed explanation of what just went down, with vast exaggeration of course.)

Steph: L.O.L Babe, I can just imagine you trying to shake his hand, YOU WAVED?! The worst!

Nkechi: Aww, don’t worry, just go back over and talk to him again. I’m sure he didn’t notice because you look hot!! Yes I had sent the group pictures of all my outfit options earlier that evening, who doesn’t do that??

Bless Nkechi, she had the confidence that all girls desired and could strike up conversation with any guy at a bar, no problem. Even the ones twice her age.

Remy: You dulled! Don’t let me even talk too much, if you don’t redeem yourself you will be exiled from the group! Only sure babes allowed.

Sigh, what a conundrum.

Kemi had decided, she would go back to the table and talk to him just like Nkechi suggested, how hard could it possible be? If he is to be the father of her first born son, and he is, then it must be so. Head up, chest out, walk tall and seductively you goddess you! And walk she does, and she keeps walking, right past the table that The Suitor is on until she reaches her table where The Disciple has been patiently waiting. Yea, the time was just not right, maybe in thirty minutes.

The Disciple: You girls and your bathroom breaks sha, what took you so long?

Kemi: Ahh, are you timing me now or something?

Suddenly a waiter comes up to her table holding a Daiquiri

Waiter: From the gentleman in blue at the bar, he asks that you grant him just 5 miutes of your time.

Yes Lord, my wedding bells are finally ringing! **in tune** It shall be permanent! It shall be permanent! Oooh it shall be permanent! It shall be permanent!

Looking back to the other table, she realised that all the other boys were gone.

Kemi: To The Disciple: Do you mind? Let me just see what he wants, id be back in 2 minutes.

The Disciple: Sure, but don’t waste too much time oh. They’re even closing soon.

15 minutes later.

Kemi had become so engrossed in her conversation with The Suitor that she completely forgot The Disciple sitting at the other table waiting for her to return in ‘two’ minutes. He’s Nigerian now; he should know that two minutes never equals 120 seconds. As they laughed and flirted shamelessly the bartender asked them for their last orders as the bar would be closing soon. That was when it happened. The Disciple, obviously riled by the competition and clearly drunk, noisily made his way to the bar.

Disciple: Get your hands off my girlfriend mate!

Nitori Olorun, bobo yi fe koba mi sha! (This boy wants to put me in trouble oh!) Girl-what?!

The Suitor looks at his hand placed so carefully on Kemi’s lower back and back up at The Disciple

Suitor: She’s your girlfriend? She never said she had a man.

Kemi: That’s because he’s not. I don’t. I don’t, I don’t! Why, for the love of all things good, is this boy trying to ruin my future!

And before she could say anything more there was a loud thud. The Disciple punched The Suitor right in the jaw! War breaks out between them, well more like a scuffle but this is a disaster! Some people are trying to separate the guys but someone else is pulling at her arm, what do they want?? Can’t they see I’m praying to Jehovah that this is all a dream?

“Babe, are you okay?” Kemi looks up and notices none other than Sola, what the heck?? When did he arrive here now?!