The Open Relationship Paradox

Further to my previous post The Relationship Conundrum, I got to thinking about open relationships and whether the more hedonistic of my peers really are on to something. An open relationship means that you have a “special someone” who is the acclaimed love of your life but you are not exclusive in the physical aspect of your relationship. i.e. you can eff about with whoever you want and not have to explain yourself.

As much as my first instinct is always to condemn open relationships, I can’t help think but think of couples like Will & Jada and other unmentionables were I’ve seen it (sort of) work!

In the case of the Smith’s, Will said, “Our perspective is, you don’t avoid what’s natural. You’re going to be attracted to other people.” But isn’t that the entire difference between human beings and other animals of lower intellect? Yes you can be attracted to other people, there are always going to be people hotter than your boyfriend and sexier than your girlfriend but what’s wrong with the “Look but don’t touch” approach? God did not give us dominion over them so that we can stay acting like rabbits!

Don’t get me wrong I adore Will & Jada, they’re my second favourite Hollywood couple right after Jigga & Bey! But surely one must wonder, is it ever truly possible for you to completely separate the emotional and physical aspects of love and freely give one to one person and share the other half with multiple others?  Is love truly cursed by monogamy? in the famous words of Kanye West. Click here if you don't know what song I'm on about!

I don’t know, id be honest I’m a bit more traditional in my approach, I just don’t have the heart to know that the person whom I hold most dear to my heart is in some other girls bed for the weekend, sounds to me like a whole lot of pain and not much gain. Out of deference to his love for me, any individual I decide to invest my time in better be willing to allow some things, you know.

The Relationship Conundrum

So in the last few days there has been a lot of talk about weddings for some reason. My cousins cousin is getting married soon, I randomly joined my friend in the search for a suitable wedding gift (Did you know you can but TWO champagne flutes for over £100??), I was looking at engagement rings on Tiffany’s (as you do, I quite fancy the one below) etc etc.

The long and short is that weddings have been on my mind for some time now, in particular though, how long is too long for you to date whoever you decide to enter marital coupledom and bliss with?? I realise there are a couple of discrepancies with this question for instance, how are you sure that the person you’re dating now is going to end up being your one and only?  But let’s ignore all that for now shall we?

So take me for example, 20-year-old Nigerian girl, first daughter and first granddaughter in my family on both sides. Every single time we are at a family function relating to my parents or grandparents this prayer never fails to rear it’s head “May you see your children’s children’s children.” Complete with a loud and resounding “AMEEEEEN!” I realise that the prayer pertains more to good health, long life and prosperity but then you know you have those annoying cousins and aunties that come and pinch your arm like ‘You’re next!”

Sorry I went slightly of course there, so what was I saying? Yes me, a 20-something year old Nigerian girl, society expects that in the next 6-8 years I should be happily married and expecting the birth of my first child. This in itself is not a problem at all; you grow up with certain things and come to expect it for yourself as well. The problem is this, what if I meet my future husband right now and start dating him, then what? We date for 7 years before we get married??? 7 years is a LONG TIME! Especially in your twenties when you’re at the prime of your life, forget what all those newly 40 year olds talking about “Life begins at 40”, that one is mid-life crisis.

So what then is the solution? Do you acknowledge the existence of your future spouse and then set them free for 3-4 years hoping that they come back to you at 24 so that you can date for only 3 years before marriage? Because giiiiiirl, that boy might be long gone! My friend came up with a (brilliant?) solution; have an open relationship, so that both parties can do as they please! (This one get comma, but that’s for another blogpost). I guess the whole point of this post is that it led me to thinking, as a girl who had her first “boyfriend” at 14, what is the point of dating seriously and exclusively from such a young age?? Life is meant to be fun in your twenties!

P.S: I am not implying that I am against relationships oh! Neither am I supporting open relationships! All those bad bele people outside take note.

Loves ya!